#also painted my nails for the first time in months-maybe a year or two

[sundewa]

cringe culture is dead wear the mesh fingerless gloves (hyping myself up)

[eunseoksimp]

Omg can you please write part 2 on infatuation where a third person get involved and wonbin losing his shit , you can end it however you like , I love your writing and i am always looking forward to your post, and also no pressure at all🫶🏻

hi anon, sorry this is so late (it was literally sitting in my drafts for three months). at first i had no intentions of writing a part two tbh, but i thoroughly enjoyed writing this up, as you can tell by the wc!

Pairing:Toxic! Park Wonbin x Fem!Reader

Genre: angst

Warning: wonbin is possibly the worst human being alive, reader may be slightly irritating with how flaky her emotions are, manipulation, gaslighting, strong language, wc is somehow 17.5k.

read part 1 here.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the cafe hummed with the gentle murmur of conversation, a soothing backdrop against the backdrop of your melancholy. you sat alone at a small corner table, your presence subdued amidst the vibrant surroundings. outside, the soft drizzle of rain painted intricate patterns on the windowpane, mirroring the intricate turmoil of your emotions.

yunjin arrived, her footsteps light but purposeful as she navigated through the cosy cafe. her eyes immediately sought out yours, a flicker of concern crossing her features at the sight of her friend's solemn demeanour.

‘you look like shit,’ yunjin deadpanned as she slid into the seat across from you. although you couldn’t quite blame her for her bluntness.

the bags under your eyes ran deep, a hollow emptiness emboldening your irises. your skin was pale, and cuts lined your lips from the sheer amount of time spent biting them.

you were a shell of your former self. soulless, vacant, moving around without purpose. you had lost your will to continue on, all because you had lost the man you loved.

it was pathetic really, how much your heart ached for him, how he was the one you called out for in the middle of the night when you awoke from your nightmare.

his heart belonged elsewhere now, to someone who wasn’t you. and nothing in the world could have prepared you for how gut wrenching it would be.

tired of your moping, and your lack of responses to her texts, yunjin had invited you out for an informal hangout, something more chill, just to get you to stop wallowing in despair and inhaling fresh air.

‘has that bastard called you?’ she spoke up again after a bit, acrylics tapping on the wooden table, eyes narrowing.

you shook your head, unable to articulate your reality. that maybe wonbin really was gone now. it had been two weeks since that day, the day your spirit was crushed, the day your love was harshly rejected.

despite all of this, you desperately wanted him to reach out to you again, just to hear his voice, to be able to smell him again, to have him in your arms, fingers tangled in his hair.

it was torturous, agonising, like a cruel joke that you were the only one not in on. how did things change so suddenly?

‘i swear if i see him i’ll kill him for you. i’ll cut his dick off and make him eat it,’ your friend was visibly upset for you, but a sick part of yourself worried for wonbin, not wanting anything bad to happen.

‘don’t,’ you say softly, picking at your nails, the familiar feeling of your throat tightening quick to accompany your already somber mood.

‘you still love him?’ yunjin sighs, reaching forward to take your hands in hers and giving it a squeeze. there were no traces of judgement in her voice, just pity.

it was a pathetic situation. a guy had strung you along for a year, told you sweet lies, pressed kisses across your face and looked you directly in the eyes as he said over and over again that he loved you.

you were blinded, unable to see the obvious red flags. it wasn’t normal to continue to stay with someone who gets a new girl. you must be stupid.

but what made things worse, was the fact that you still loved him. you yearned for him, a part of yourself still within his clutches.

you didn’t even realise you were crying until yunjin leaned forward, thumbs swiping at the tears.

‘you deserve more than him love. someone who will cherish you, and only you. he used you, like a prick, none of this is your fault,’ she had moved her chair next to yours now, cradling you in her arms as she patted your shoulder.

what could be more than park wonbin? what would be more radiant, more daring, more intoxicating than he was?

‘i just want him,’ you sob, and she soothes you by rubbing circles on your back whilst you try to stop hiccuping.

‘it’ll get better, i’ll make sure of it.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

2 weeks has slowly morphed into a month. 28 days without wonbin’s touch, without his presence in your life.

you wish you could say that things had gotten easier, but time was not a healer of your broken heart. the more the days went by, the more you suffered. every night you chewed your lip as you stared at his contact information, willing him to finally call you.

to do something. to not treat you like you no longer existed. to go back to being the one that you had fallen in love with.

but no matter how much you sobbed, or you suffered through your days with a weight on your chest, he wouldn’t return to you.

‘we’re going out. to a party,’ yunjin announces as she waltzes into your room, giving you a kiss on the crown of your head before she settles into the spot next to you on your bed.

‘party? yujin i-‘

‘oh no you don’t get a say. you’re coming, that’s final,’ she cuts you off, and you sigh in defeat, knowing that she was too stubborn for you to be able to win this battle.

seeing as it was already decided that your evening would be spent surrounded by sweaty bodies and excessive levels of alcohol consumption, you mourned the night you had planned of having, consisting of cheesy romantic comedies and various tubs of ice cream.

it was silent, yunjin busy tapping away on her phone, fingers moving furiously as she quietly spoke out what she wanted to type, sometimes pausing to think about her response.

‘that guy i was telling you about last week, you know mark lee-‘ she starts talking, but her eyes were still glued to her phone, and another buzz of her phone let you know that she was clearly still in the middle of texting.

‘sorry love,’ she apologises, eventually putting her phone down and now giving you her undivided attention, turning so her body was now facing yours.

‘anyways you remember mark lee right? the one i’m talking to. his best friend is having a party tonight and i thought it would be good for you to come.’

‘you really like him?’ you take note of the way her face lights up just by mentioning his name, suppressing the smile creeping on her lips, eyes looking down at the hands folded in her lap.

you wondered if this was what you looked like to others whenever you talked about wonbin.

‘i like him, and i have a good feeling he likes me too.’

‘then that’s all i need to hear. let’s go to that stupid party,’ you’ve barely got your words out before she’s squealing, flinging her arms around your neck and climbing onto your lap, pressing wet kisses all over your cheeks.

‘i promise you won’t regret it. he has this one friend, donghyuck, and i need you to meet him asap,’ she pressed one last kiss to your head, before sliding off of your legs and returning back to her spot on the bed.

‘i don’t want anyone other than wonbin.’

‘i’m not asking you to date him silly. he’s just a really good guy and i think he’s the energy you need right now.’

you hum in response, a question at the tip of your tongue, but it’s like you’re too scared to utter it. and so you go back and forth in your mind, wondering if it’s worth mentioning it.

‘spill it. you look like you’re putting yourself through torture,’ your best friend knows you too well, spotting the telltale signs that you were anxious, down to the chewing of your bottom lip and the twiddling of the ring on your finger.

‘do you think- um- do you think that, you know-‘ it’s hard to get the words out, with the way your heart was pounding ridiculously in your chest, thoughts racing at a million miles a minute.

yunjin scoots a bit closer, putting her hand on your knee, clearly able to see that what you wanted to ask was troubling you. 

‘go on babe, you can say it,’ she encourages you, patting your knee.

‘um- do you think wonbin will be there?’

her face softens, a look of sympathy flashing across her face at your question. 

‘i don’t think so.’

you’re not sure whether that’s a good thing or not. there was nothing that could prepare you to come face to face with park wonbin again without breaking down. but there was still that fleeting feeling; you wanted him back.

‘let’s forget about park wonbin tonight,’ yunjin says as she pats your knee twice, before standing up and heading towards your closet to look for your outfit for the night.

forget about park wonbin. could you do that?

the question continued to circulate in your mind, even as yunjin pulls you into the chair in front of your mirror to start your makeup, clearly not a novice as she primed, and patted and set your face. even as she managed to convince you that the black mini dress that she shoved into your arms was ‘the perfect length’, and that you were too young to be worrying about modesty.

‘you look amazing. fuck park wonbin,’ she spins you around to face your vanity mirror and you blink twice, taking aback by the person staring back at you. It had been months since you had even bothered to care about your appearance, your self confidence depleting to dangerously low levels, as you wished that you lived in an alternate world, where your beauty, just like ning ning’s was enough to keep wonbin from walking away.

but for the first time in a while you felt a surge of confidence, a newfound poise about who you were, about what you could be.

‘you deserve to have fun tonight. to remember what it feels like to be happy.”

she finishes your look with a pair of silver earrings which you’re sure you’ve only seen her wear once due to how precious she regarded it to be. yet here she was, without a thought, handing them to you.

‘thank you, yunjin,” you murmur, your heart swelling with gratitude. ‘i don’t know what I’d do without you.’

she grinned in response, pulling you into a quick hug. ‘that’s what best friends are for. now, let’s go show the world just how fabulous you are.’

you make your way to the front door, the sounds of the night already beckoning. grabbing your clutch, taking one last glance in the hallway mirror, the woman staring back at you looked poised, ready, but inside, you knew you were teetering on the edge of something unknown.

stepping out into the cool evening air, yunjin linked arms with you, a gesture of solidarity.

‘just remember, tonight is about you. about having fun and forgetting all the bad stuff. you’ve got this.’

you nod, taking strength from your friend’s unwavering confidence. together, you head towards the car, the promise of the party ahead a beacon of hope. as the engine roared to life, you let yourself believe, if only for a moment, that tonight could be the beginning of something new, a step towards healing and rediscovery.

the city lights blurred past as yunjin drove, chatting animatedly about the party, filling the silence with her infectious enthusiasm. by the time you arrived, a flicker of excitement sparkled within you, a small flame of anticipation amidst the shadows of her past.

turning off the engine, your friend takes one more good look at you.

‘fuck park wonbin.’

‘yeah, fuck him.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

forgetting park wonbin seemed to be a more difficult task than you had thought. all through the night your eyes were busy, sifting through the crowds, vigilant and curious as you swept over every single corner of the party you were in, in order to see if he would turn up.

it wasn’t like you were doing it on purpose, you were sure that the amount of time spent in the car reassuring and psyching yourself up were done through your genuine attempts of bravely moving on. but, as predicted, you no longer belonged to yourself. a part of you was still with wonbin, and your being desperately ached to feel whole again, with him.

‘having fun?’ you almost topple over as yunjin flings herself onto you, her arms latching around your neck as she presses kisses up your neck. you knew she wanted to be by your side the whole night, yet seeing the way her and mark were exchanging extremely intense eye contact from across the room, you pushed her towards the equally shy male and told her to enjoy yourself.

now she had returned, with a few unfamiliar faces with her, each of them waiting to be introduced as they watched the interaction between you and your best friend.

‘hey, i’m mark lee. it’s really nice to meet you,’ he’s the first to extend his hand towards you when yunjin pulls away, a bashful but nevertheless bright smile on his face as you greet him back with a firm grasp of his own hands.

‘it’s nice to meet you too. trust me, i’ve heard quite a bit about you too.’ you’re both laughing as yunjin turns red, reaching forward to playfully hit your shoulder.

‘this is my best friend donghyuck. super annoying and popular but he’s a great guy.’

a boy a couple inches taller than you steps forward, till the both of you are a few inches apart and you almost forget your composure as you stared at him. his honey kissed skin appeared ethereal, illuminated by the dim light cascading around the space you were in, beauty spots littering the expanse of his face. jet black strands fell elegantly in soft waves over his forehead, styled to perfection but still looking so effortless. his eyes were deep and warm, a shade of brown that held a quiet intensity, drawing you in.

the  jacket he had on was immediately slipped off and delicately placed around your own shoulders. how did he know you were feeling cold?

‘nice to meet you, i’m donghyuck.’

there was a charm that he possessed, one that captivated you and made you want to pay attention to whatever he was saying. such beauty was paired with genuine geniality, and you wondered how you had never come across him before. he was clearly popular, judging by the looks thrown at him by multiple different girls parading past him, but he never gave them much acknowledgement or seemed smug about it.

‘thanks for the jacket by the way,’ you express your gratitude towards him, offering him a small smile which he returns, all while yunjin shoots you a wink, pushing mark towards the middle of the dance floor and leaving you two alone.

‘it’s my pleasure. i couldn’t have you freezing to death at my party,’ you both laugh at his comment and you admire the way he is able to slip into the space next to you with ease, a wide grin on his face as he nudges you slightly.

maybe it was the small sips of alcohol you had taken, or the way the music seemed to surround you, the bass of the speakers vibrating in a steady rhythm that mimicked your heartbeat, or how the lights had paled to a vibrant blue and dancing across the walls, casting a kaleidoscope of hues over the mingling guests, but something about this atmosphere made you feel alive. your blood was pumping, everything moving in slow motion as if it was a scene in a movie.

‘this is good,’ you tilt your head back slightly, revelling in the moment, and exhale as if you were letting go of all of the problems you had prior to this. you hear a low chuckle, not needing to open your eyes to know that it was donghyuck.

‘glad you’re enjoying yourself. you look even prettier when you’re relaxed,’ your eyes flash open, trying to decipher what it was he was trying to do. but there was no ulterior motive detected by him, simply sipping from the beer can in his left hand, observing other partygoers.

as you begin to talk you notice how good of a listener he is, attentive to every word spoken, his whole body turned to face you as a show of his concentration. oddly enough, you feel safe, like you could say anything and he would take it all in. he had a way of making you feel at ease, his laughter infectious, and the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled, making her heart warm.

‘to be honest i wasn’t that excited to come tonight. life hasn’t been the kindest to me and i would have preferred to curl into a ball and watch 10 things i hate about you. however, it’s nice being here, forgetting about things for a while.’

‘it’s always a good idea to escape the mind. being stuck there for too long makes it like a prison that will trap you in the same darkness till you can break free.’

you nod in agreement, slowly digesting his words. you were not a stranger to being stuck in your own mind, the past two months being a testament to it.

it’s silent for a while, but nothing about it is uncomfortable. there is a serene sense of contentment, two people who feel they’re in the right place at the right time.

‘there’s something about you,’ he says after a while, that intense stare trained back on you, and you fight the urge to cower away from it.

‘is that a good something? or a bad one?’

the question is left unanswered for a time, hanging in the air and over your figures. time didn’t stop for anyone, but tonight it appeared to slow its momentum, just for you.

‘good, of course.’

you chuckle, holding your hand out for a sip of the beer he seemed to be glued to. but he just shakes his head, disappearing from your side for a second just to get you a fresh one from the cooler. when he emerges again he’s gotten rid of his empty bottle and replaced it with a new one which he sets down on the counter as he works to get yours open first.

you thank him, raising the glass to your lips, the cool liquid slipping down your throat with ease. you gulp almost half of its content down, the taste slightly bitter and tingling your tastebuds but you push through.

donghyuck laughs at the way your face scrunches, your lips pursed as you swallow your last drop. ‘not the biggest fan of beer?’

‘it’s sour and lowkey gross. i prefer cocktails.’

‘your wish is my command,’ he makes a show out of giving you a quite dramatic bow, his left hand folding to his shoulder, and then he straightens up his posture and gestures towards a corner of the kitchen that you hadn’t noticed at first, a cupboard line with a few different types of bottles.

‘there’s tequila, smirnoff, ooh thought i finished that bottle of malibu. take your pick,’ he steps aside as you ponder over what type of drink you felt like having before settling for a passionfruit martini.

‘good choice,’ he tells you, taking you a bit by surprise when he asks for your permission to lift you up to the countertop to watch him make your drink. it’s more comfortable than it looks, and you happily swing your legs back and forth, finally feeling the effects of the beer you had chugged a couple minutes prior, a lot more talkative.

you find yourself enjoying his company a lot more than you thought you would and make a mental note to thank yunjin for pushing to make this all happen. it had been a while since you had taken a step out of your wonbin-centred universe and enjoyed conversation that had nothing to do with him.

for a moment, the shadow of park wonbin faded, replaced by the brightness of this new connection. donghyuck’s presence was like a balm, soothing the raw edges of your heart. the party continued around you, but in that corner, it felt like you were both in your own little world.

as the night wore on you both found yourself  outside on the balcony, the cool night air a refreshing contrast to the hellish warmth generated from all of the other bodies packed together.

the stars above sparkled like distant promises, and the city lights swindled like a million unspoken dreams. you close your eyes for a moment, soaking in the serenity of the night.

‘you know,’ donghyuck said after a while, his eyes fixed on the skyline, ‘there’s something special about nights like this. it’s like the word slows down and for a moment, everything just… makes sense.’

he’s about to vocalise your thoughts perfectly, and you nod in agreement. ‘yeah, i think i know what you mean.’

‘can i ask you something,’ donghyuck’s voice cut through the gentle murmur of the night, his tone carrying a weight of earnestness that shifted the atmosphere around you. his words hung in the air, a quiet intensity that demanded your attention, drawing your gaze to his face illuminated by the ambient light of the balcony.

you turn to him, curious and slightly apprehensive, yet undeniably intrigued by the change in his demeanour.

‘can i have your number?’

donghyuck sees the way your mouth opens, shock painted on your features, knowing enough to sense a rejection and he interjects, sensing your hesitation.

‘i’m not asking you out or anything, trust me. i just think we would be good friends. i like talking to you,’ he reassures you and you see sincerity in his eyes, a genuine desire to connect without any ulterior motives.

he was a great guy, and you were sure that in an alternative universe where both the name and sight of park wonbin had no sort of effect on you, the possibility of him having any sort of romantic feelings towards the end of the night wouldn’t have scared you as much. but this was the real world and your heart and mind were far too broken to entertain the idea of someone else taking over your life again.

‘yeah,’ you finally managed, your voice betraying a moment of vulnerability. ‘i’d like that too.’

relief washes over donghyuck’s face, a small smile tugging on his lips.

‘i don’t just give my phone number out to anyone you know. consider yourself lucky,’ you joke, in an attempt to ease the small amount of tension that had found itself between the two of you since you had met, hoping he wouldn’t take too much offence to your reaction and taking the unlocked mobile device out of his hands to fill out the contact information.

‘i’m sure i am.’

‘how are you getting home?’ he asks when his phone is finally back in his possession, saving the information on his phone before putting it down and turning his attention back to you, awaiting an answer to his question.

��eager to get rid of me are we?’ you quip, raising an eyebrow in false disbelief and even making a show of crossing your arms across your chest and pushing off of the railing you were leaning on so you could be standing directly in front of him. he mirrors your body language, shaking his head, rapidly trying to reassure you.

‘i just want to make sure you get home safely.’

although this task proves to be quite difficult, given that yunjin has retreated to mark’s room for the night due to her less than sober state, and every other person that was around had also been drinking a sizeable amount. even trying to get a taxi at this time was in vain, given that it was quite late and nobody was around the area.

donghyuck has his eyes glued to his phone screen, bottom lip caught between his teeth. he raises his hand just to scratch the back of his head and you can see the cogs in his head turning, figuring out a way to approach the situation.

‘i mean you could stay over. i can take the couch and you would be able to sleep in my bed,’ he offers, and you feel bad because as much as you would like for him to get some good rest after the chaos of hosting a party all night, it was the only viable option.

he searches your face for confirmation and can tell how torn you are, ‘it’s fine, i promise.’ 

‘it’s fine,’ he repeats.

so even though it kills you to see him have to take refuge on the semi-hard couch in the middle of the living room that still had remnants of the party that was going on not even two hours before, you follow him up the stairs as he leads you to his room, checking to see that you’re behind him before opening the door.

‘got some spare clothes for you to change into here. um the bathroom is free for you to use too, i’m sure there’s some cleanser in the top cabinet to wipe off your makeup. anything else?’ your heart warms at how accommodating he’s being, giving you his clothes, allowing you to use his things, and even taking his bed.

‘i’ll leave you to get changed.’

‘wait, hyuck,’ you stop him just as he’s about to leave and he turns around, leaning his body onto the now half opened door. ‘thanks, for everything.’

‘my pleasure, sleep well princess,’ he flashes you a smile and then he’s gone and you can hear the soft thuds of him descending down the stairs, talking to who you assume is one of his housemates.

you hate to appear nosy but curiosity takes over you as you examine the things in his room. michael jackson vinyls, posters of a few indie bands, tame impala being the one that caught your eye first, an impressive collection of accessories. everything was just like he was, cool, chic, and a little playful.

his clothes are a little big for you, but you find comfort in the way it swamps around your frame, and it smells just like him. you’re surprised at how clean his bathroom is, a questionable amount of both feminine hygiene products as well as makeup wipes, micellar water and even some cleansing wipes.

‘charming,’ you thought to yourself, picking out the things you need, noting how a lot of it was fairly unused, before starting your bedtime routine.

discarding the used cotton pads and closing the lid of the bottle of the micellar solution, you close the tap, doing a quick once over of yourself in the mirror. the hand towels laid out neatly on the side are used to dry your damp hands and fold it neatly before walking back into his room.

it was gratifying, slipping into some clean sheets, basking in the warmth it provided you as you sank further and further under. but, as you expected, it was hard for you to actually fall asleep. you lay on your back, staring at the ceiling willing yourself to cave in to the restlessness you were feeling. yet try as you might it just didn’t work.

sighing, you turn over to look at the time on your phone that was charging on the bedside table. 3:02am and there were still failed attempts of getting you to sleep. groaning, you decide that perhaps some chamomile tea, or maybe even some warm milk could aid you.

it’s dead silent and you’re afraid of waking anyone up so you result in creeping down the stairs, on your tiptoes to make the minimal amount of noise you possibly could. apart from a couple of creaks in the floorboards it was relatively easy.

‘are you alright?’ donghyuck’s voice startles you, even though he’s only whispering and your hand automatically flies to your mouth to stifle a scream.

the lights in the living room are dim, the tv on albeit low in volume, but it’s not hard to tell that despite all of this he’s not comfortable. the spare sheets he was using were tossed to the side, and the constant rolling of his neck indicated that, as you thought, sleeping in that position was unpleasant.

‘can’t sleep?’ you ask him, and he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck as he sits up a little straighter. he reaches for his glasses, something you weren’t aware he wore and he perches it onto the bridge of his nose and running a hand through his hair.

‘i knew i shouldn’t have listened to jaemin about getting the cheaper couch. the expensive ones are pricey for a reason i guess,’ he jokes, but all you can do is feel bad. you can tell he wants to lighten the mood, to try as much as he can to not let it weigh on your conscience, but all it does is make you feel worse.

‘sleep with me,’ the words are out before you can even consider how it could be construed in the wrong way and the way his mouth hangs open makes you want to die of embarrassment.

‘not- no i meant- not like that,’ you’re stuttering, stumbling over your words, trying to correct your minor mistake.

‘i just meant i can see how uncomfortable it is sleeping out here, your room is big enough for the both of us to share.’

‘oh no, i don’t want to-’

‘hyuck please. you’re not making me uneasy in any way i promise. it’s your room anyway,’ you cut him off because you know exactly what he was going to say. from the small amount of time you spent with him you could gauge how much of a gentleman he was, and his efforts of being as respectable as possible didn’t go unnoticed.

‘please.’

he’s quick to give in, partially because he was eager to be able to ease the tension forming in the back of his neck, but also because he knew you wouldn’t give in until he listened.

‘fine, if you’re sure.’

he’s extremely cautious, letting you lead the way even though it was his own room, debating whether closing the door after him would make things seem a little too intimate. he opts for closing it, mainly because the light in the hallway was too distracting, but he still hovers over the bed, not really knowing what to do with himself.

‘what are you doing?’ you question him, slipping back under the covers before watching him from the position on the bed. judging by the things in his bathroom you were fairly certain this wasn’t the first time he’d shared a room with a girl. and it wasn’t like either of you had any other intentions.

‘don’t make this weird hyuck.’

it wasn’t your goal to make him laugh, but seeing the rigidity ease out of his form, you’re happy regardless as the right side of the bed dips slightly underneath his weight

he offers you a shy smile, his eyes warm and reassuring. ‘i’ll sleep on the edge, promise,” he said lightly, trying to ease any lingering awkwardness.

you chuckle softly, appreciating his thoughtfulness. “it’s fine, really,” you reply, feeling an unexpected sense of ease.

at first you lay on your side, facing away from him, but the space between the both of you was filled with a comforting presence. the room was dark, but the moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow.

your eyelids drooped, heavy with weariness as the weight of the whole day's activities fall upon your body, weighing you down. as you close your eyes, you feel the warmth of donghyuck’s body close to yours, a steady and calming presence. his breathing was a soothing rhythm, a lullaby that began to chase away the lingering thoughts about wonbin. there was a safety in the silence, a peace you hadn’t felt in a while.

donghyuck’s voice, soft and low, broke the quiet. “if you need anything, just wake me up,” he murmured, his tone filled with genuine care.

you nod, though you doubted you’d need to. for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt truly safe. the weight of the past seemed lighter, the shadows receding as you nestled into the comfort of the present. with donghyuck beside you, the world outside faded, leaving only the tranquillity of the moment.

sleep came easily,  your last thoughts a whisper of gratitude for the unexpected connection that had brought you peace.  maybe it was the small amount of alcohol still buzzing in your system, or the familiarity of your body next to another, that made you scoot just a little bit closer, body heat radiating off of one another as you let yourself be wrapped in the arms of another man.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the first thing you noticed when your eyes fluttered open slowly was the small but constant pounding settled in your temple. it made you wince, fingers rushing to massage the sore spot as you turned over in your space.

your hands reach out for something, but it’s empty and you frown. memories of the night before come flooding in bit by bit, and you sigh as the back of your head meets the pillow.

the sound of footsteps makes you sit up on your elbows, attempting to not look half asleep to donghyuck. instead you were met with the face of your suspiciously cheerful best friend, bounding through the doorway and flopping down on the bed right next to you.

‘morning sleeping beauty,’ she greets you, planting a sloppy kiss on your cheek and giggling at the way you pretend to be disgusted by it.

‘why are you so happy so early in the morning?’ you’re still feeling a little bit groggy, hair sticking up all over the place and you were sure you had a lot less to drink than yunjin did. so it made you wonder how she looked to be in a better position than you.

‘mark asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday.’

‘yunjin are you serious? that’s amazing.’

‘i know, i know, i’ll tell you all about it later. hyuck sent me upstairs to get you for breakfast,’ you’re both clearly excited, squealing like little girls, but it’s hard to ignore the low growl erupting from your stomach.

‘fine, you have to tell me every little detail later.’

you scramble out of bed, only now noticing the neat pile of clothes that donghyuck had folded for you to wear this morning. pulling the hoodie over your head and the basketball shorts up your thighs, you’re making your way downstairs, yunjin right by your side.

‘hey, you’re awake,’ donghyuck is the first one to spot you as you trail behind yunjin, suddenly feeling a little self conscious in the middle of the unfamiliar faces dotted around the kitchen.

he’s right in front of the stove, cracked egg shells in the palm of his hands as he mixes some batter for pancakes. gesturing for you to move closer, you can’t help but keep your gaze trained on the floor as you weave through the crowd that was starting to form.  his roommates, the ones you had briefly met last night, scattered around the table, turning their heads in unison, grinning mischievously as you approached.

you know what it looks like, coming out of donghyuck’s room, drowning in his clothes, and now he’s messing with the strings, pulling you in closer to mess with your hair. you can hear them whispering, teasing, the not so subtle whistling, it makes you feel even more shy as you try to move out of donghyuck’s reach and next to yunjin, even though all of her attention was focused on mark.

one of his roomates leaned back in his chair, a sly grin spreading across his face. ‘i hope his bed wasn’t too uncomfortable,’ he says, winking at you.

donghyuck rolled his eyes, but there was a lightness to his expression as he glanced at you.

‘hyuck’s never made food for the girls he brings over. it must be a miracle,’ a guy whose hair is a platinum blonde speaks up smirking, but his jokes seem to be directed more at hyuck than you.

‘cut it out guys. we just slept, nothing else,’ he points the spatula right at him, understanding what he was implying as  the boy raising his hands in defeat.

‘oh, just slept ,huh?’ another boy chimes in, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. ‘you two seemed pretty cosy when we peeked in this morning.’

your blush deepend, and you can feel hyuck’s embarrassment matching yours.

‘seriously, guys, give it a rest,” he said, setting a plate of pancakes on the table with a mock glare.

you shuffle awkwardly on your feet, praying that the focal point shifts away from you. one of the guys, you believe he introduced himself as jaemin, is the first to apologise, letting you know that he meant no harm.

‘our entire friendship is built on the foundation of embarrassing hyuck as much as possible.’

 jeno, the cute guy who started the teasing, follows suit, ‘i was just messing with him, i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.’

you knew it was all just friendly banter, and it wasn’t exactly their fault that you weren’t the most sociable in front of new people so you let them know you weren’t offended or anything.

‘i think i’ve seen you around somewhere,’ jaemin tells you, pulling out a chair that surrounded the kitchen island so you could hop up first, all whilst hyuck was finishing flipping some pancakes.

‘me? from where?’

‘oh yeah, aren’t you wonbin’s friend? park wonbin.’

the mention of his name made your stomach drop. anxious, blinking back tears. everything came flooding back, all of your emotions going haywire and you have to turn away from them so you don’t give yourself away. the pain is excruciating, enough to make you light headed and your throat instantly tightens.

‘um- i wouldn’t exactly- um- call us friends,’ your grip on the kitchen counter increases, but the way your voice wavers makes donghyuck turn around, barely catching the stray tear that starts sliding down your cheek before you hastily wipe it away.

‘leave her alone and go about your day,’ he scolds his friend, motioning towards the door.

‘i thought the pancakes were for all of us?’

‘out. leave us alone.’

you’re both left alone in a comfortable silence and you’re grateful for donghyuck’s help in getting them to drop it. ‘hyuck,’ you call out to him, wanting to thank him.

‘we don’t have to talk about it. for now, we eat.’

a stack of pancakes are placed in front of you, syrup spread in a smiley face, mirroring the one on his face, and your shoulders relax, exhaling in relief.

‘let’s eat.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

your mind wanders back to the past two months and the unexpected bond that had formed between you and donghyuck. your conversations had become a daily comfort, his easy laughter and genuine concern a balm to your still-healing heart. 

he had been more than a distraction—he had been a true friend. from the late-night talks about your hopes and fears to the impromptu outings that filled you with a sense of normalcy, donghyuck had been there, steadfast and supportive.

his presence was a reminder that not all connections needed to be painful, that new friendships could be forged in the wake of old heartaches.

park wonbin was slowly but surely phasing out of your daily life and you were beginning to get back to your former self- more sociable, less self conscious, no longer weighed down by anxiety and dark thoughts.

your phone buzzes on the table in front of you, lighting up momentarily and displaying donghyuck’s name, and a string of messages he had just sent you.

hey picasso

how’s the art project going?

i’m hungry, are you free for lunch?

please say yes i don’t want to sit by myself :(

you chuckle quietly, your fingers moving to reply to his message to tell him that you would eat with him before setting your phone down.

almost immediately, his reply came through.

it’s my treat <3

you chuckled, shaking your head at another one of donghyuck’s little gestures, always finding ways to make you feel special. putting your phone down again, you feel a wave of gratitude wash over you. donghyuck had been a beacon of light in your life, guiding you through the darkness of your breakup with wonbin. spending time with him was always a joy, and he had quickly become a safe harbour, a place where you could simply be yourself.

packing up your art supplies, the soft chime of your phone stops you in your tracks, and you temporarily place your bag on the floor to glance at the screen, a new message from hyuck sending you the address of the restaurant as well as the name.

the name of the restaurant, ‘arang’, jumps out at you and your breath hitches as memories surge forward, unbidden. you hadn’t been there in almost a year, not since the last time with wonbin. the thought of him made your chest tighten as you close your eyes, letting yourself be momentarily swept away by the flood of recollections.

the first time you visited arang, it was a chilly winter evening. snowflakes gently drifted down, settling on your hair as wonbin laughed and brushed them away. you remembered the warm, inviting glow of the restaurant's facade, the way the soft lighting inside bathed everything in a cozy, golden light. you had sat by the window, watching the snowfall outside, your fingers intertwined over the table. the homely aroma of korean cuisine, the clinking of glasses, and the soft murmur of conversation had created a cocoon of intimacy around you both.

you shake your head, trying to dispel the vivid images. the past was in the past, there was no use of dwelling on it. plus the possibility of this day being the one that he also decides he wants to visit is slim, and you’re not even sure he would be around today, given that thursdays he usually didn’t have any classes and he would use this day for basketball practice.

you become akin to a robot, repeating this over and over again in your head, trying to convince your body- which has started to go into panic mode- that everything was fine and you were just overthinking.

stepping out of the school building after a visit to your locker you make your way to the restaurant. the familiar streets passed by in a blur, each step bringing you closer to a place filled with both joy and sorrow. it’s only when you see hyuck bounding towards you, arms outstretched, that your anxiety dissolves and you allow him to pull you into a bone-crushing hug, muttering something about how everyone but you had abandoned him.

‘i thought i was going to have to eat alone, nobody else wanted to come with me,’ is the first thing he tells you, clearly happy that you were here.

‘so you’re saying i was your last choice?’

‘no no no. i’m saying you’re my saviour,’ he loops his arms with your own, dragging you inside with him just as a couple is walking out. you let donghyuck go ahead whilst you kindly let them come out first.

‘hey -,’ the familiar voice calling your name makes you freeze, all limbs in your body stuck, rooted in the spot you were standing. donghyuck notices how you’re no longer beside him and turns around but is distracted by the waiter approaching him.

your mouth is dry, ominous thoughts squirming in the back of your mind as what felt like cold spider like fingers raced up and down your spine. you wanted to speak, to seem totally unbothered and unaffected like you thought you were. yet you couldn’t get words to come out.

the familiar figure of wonbin emerged from the sea of faces, his presence like a sharp pang to your chest. he stood tall and confident, his fingers laced between ning ning’s, her face practically glowing as she beams up at him, his eyes flickering to yours for a split second before landing on hers, leaning down, his touch gentle as he presses a kiss onto her cheek.

the feeling of a shard in your gut encompasses you, taking over all sensory input, comparable to death and bereavement as it washes over you like gruelling waves, choking the breath from your body and short circuiting your mind.

wonbin’s eyes met yours, a smug tugging at the corner of his lips because even though you haven’t said a word yet, he knows your body, how it reacts when you’re nervous, or when you had been disappointed by something he had did. you weren’t over him yet, and that was all he needed from you, blind devotion- just like it had always been.

his gaze was a calculated blend of charm and cruelty, a silent reminder of the control he had once exerted over your heart.

ning ning looks at you, sincere concern etched onto her features at the fact that you had not spoken, your skin paling and hands trembling.

‘are you alright?’ 

your throat is burning, eyes blinking furiously to keep the tears at bay, but you push through the pain and struggle to answer.

‘i-i’m fine, enjoy your day,’ you don’t give them a chance to reply as you turn and dart away from them, neck craning to try and find donghyuck.

you spot him at a table towards the back of the restaurant, waving to get your attention and sprint over, practically collapsing in your seat.

‘was that.. park wonbin?’ he’s careful, aware of the many times your body would stiffen up at the mention of him, or how you avoided talking about him as much as possible whenever he was brought up in conversation. he didn’t want to pry into something that clearly made you uncomfortable.

you nod in confirmation, debating whether or not you should tell him the full story. it was humiliating just thinking about how he would react when he heard how a simple boy had the ability to turn your whole life upside down. how suffocating it was just to see him in the vicinity of other girls, or how much grief it caused you to specifically see ning ning, when she was the one he chose and not you. 

despite all of this, donghyuck had been an amazing friend to you, and you felt that now was the right time to tell him the full truth. and that’s what you told him, starting from the day you first met, the addition of ning ning in the both of your lives and even how you continued to stay with him.

you expected him to look at you with disgust, or to judge you or even be disappointed. but donghuck was quiet, listening to every word you had to say, not once giving his own input.

‘pathetic right? i wouldn’t know what to say either.’

‘no that’s not it. i just thought about how upsetting it must have been. pouring your heart out for someone and getting nothing in return from them.’

‘he loved me. i guess he just- i must have done something to make him stop,’ it’s a habit of yours, rushing to wonbin’s defence whenever anything unfavourable is said about him. you don’t want him to be the bad guy in the story.

he frowns at your words, reaching out for your hand, ‘ please don’t take this the wrong way. you’re not the problem, he is.’

‘what do you mean?’

‘he was using you. using your kindness, your devotion to him, the way you loved him. and he was using that for his own gain, to feel good about himself. and then when you tried to push the boundary he put you in, he abandoned you,’ he explains, and although they were words you had heard before, namely from an extremely infuriated yunjin, you couldn’t bring yourself to accept it, to accept that park wonbin was not good.

‘that’s not true, he didn’t use me.’

‘it’s hard to hear, i understand. regardless, know that there’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing that you did that can explain why he’s acting like that,’ donghyuck pities you, seeing how reluctant you are to think badly of him. to love excessively is to be blind to all of the ugly parts of the person, shielding yourself away from it.

‘but-’

‘i’m speaking from experience, trust me. i know all about giving your everything to someone, loving them earnestly, thinking that they felt the same, only for them to throw it back in your face,’ it’s the first time you’re hearing about this, seeing a normally cheerful donghyuck change into a forlorn figure, appearing uncharacteristically apprehensive.

‘she left me, all alone when i needed her the most. it hit me so hard, i was sure that i would never be able to feel again. that i would just be numb and broken forever,’ he feels willing to share his own story, to offer you a beacon of light to what you felt was a hopeless situation.

‘that’s why i was so interested in you that night. that calibre of heartbreak, i recognised myself in the sadness of your eyes, feeling uneasy and restless, i understood it all before you even had to tell me your story,’ suddenly that night made more sense to you, why he was so attentive, unwilling to let you out of his sight, going the extra mile just to make you feel comfortable.

‘i see my old self in you, that’s why. we’ve got to build that self confidence all the way up.’

‘everyone deserves love- well not everyone- but you definitely do. you’re a good girl- not in the kinky sense, wow i have got to stop-‘

‘hyuck,’ you cut him off before he can ramble on any further, a habit of his you had picked up on due to his overactive sense of imagination and his inability to multitask.

‘sorry. what i’m trying to say is you’re pretty, a good person, funny and you’re smart as fuck. any guy would be lucky to have you.’

‘you’re just saying that.’

‘i mean it though,’ his face softens, and it’s the most sincere look you’ve seen from hyuck since the first time you met him.

‘you might not believe it now, but trust me. that’s what i’m here for, project mend your heart and make you confident.’

‘and who else but the sexiest man alive to be of assistance.’

you’re laughing, genuine laughter which was something that seemed to become more common when with donghyuck.

‘jeno would beg to differ,’ you tease him mindlessly, a throw away comment that didn’t have much meaning to it. but in true hyuck fashion, everything had to be dramatic.

‘i knew it. i knew you wanted to fuck him,’ he points at you, shouting louder than he should have been in a restaurant, and you sink further into your seat in embarrassment, whilst he mouths quick apologies and bows his head to the few curious customers that turned in your direction.

‘i never said i wanted to fuck him, where did you get that from?,’ your voice is hushed, cheeks flushed as you fight the urge to reach over the table putting a distance between you two and throttle him.

‘well you just inadvertently said you thought he was sexy. what’s the next step from that? begging him to fuck.’

you crinkle your nose in disgust, donghyuck acting like he had uncovered some kind of dirty secret, looking rather smug as he folded his arms over his chest.

‘maybe in a teen fiction book. that’s not how things work in the real world stupid. 

‘of course it does. people who are attracted to other people normally end up having sex,’ he states as if it’s the most obvious fact in the world, backed by scientific evidence.

‘not true. i think you’re sexy too but i’d rather keel over and die than be sexually intimate with you.’

but you instantly regret saying that when you see how his eyebrow quirks, his smile becomes a smirk and he leans in towards you.

‘so what i’m hearing is-‘

‘no, you’re not hearing anything. shut up and eat,’ you’re shoving cooked chicken into his mouth before he can have another outburst and bring more shame to your table.

giving up, he takes the tongs out of your hands to put some in your own bowl, placing the pork belly on the grill next.

you both eat in relative silence, enjoying the food, with occasional comments about how good the food is.

‘so-‘ donghyuck speaks up after almost five minutes of no conversation.

you can already tell he’s going to say something stupid by the way he’s raised his eyebrow, leaning forward on his elbows.

‘you think i’m sexy huh?’

‘i’m starting to regret meeting you for lunch.’

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

it was becoming a regular occurrence for you to be dragged out of whatever comfortable position you were in on a saturday evening, yanked out from under the comfort of your duvet by your friends just so you could hang out. tonight was not any different, only this time you were struggling to understand why you were even called out.

‘i don’t know why you invited me and hyuck on a double date, we’re not in a relationship,’ you tell yunjin who pretends like she can’t hear you, allowing herself to be swept away into the arms of her boyfriend, only turning around to stick her tongue out at you and you huff at her childishness.

it had been such a long week and as much as you loved hanging out with these three, another episode of it’s okay to not be okay was calling your name. well, more like another hour of drooling over kim soohyun but that's besides the point.

‘yeah, even though she wants to be with me so badly,’ donghyuck appears beside you, arm lazily hung over your shoulder as he teases you, even going as far as puckering his lips, pretending to ask for a kiss.

you shove him, and he narrowly misses the gigantic pole a few cm away from his face. turning towards you with narrow eyes he lunges forward, successfully grabbing you by the sleeve of your jacket and tugging you closer to him.

‘let me go lee donghyuck, i swear to god,’ your pleas fall on deaf ears, as he’s too busy tickling you to care for your empty threats, enjoying how you’re squirming in his hold and using one arm to hold you up by the waist so you don’t fall.

‘cant hear you over the sound of your squeals.’

‘you two act like this and then wonder why so many people think you’re together,’ the couple who were once further ahead realised that both of you were no longer beside them, and turned around to see you in the predicament you were currently in. yunjin crosses her arm as she stands in place, but contrary to her posture she’s smiling. mark adorns a similar look, content that the two of you got along so well. he remembered how distressed yunjin was whenever they met up four months ago, before they started dating, worried about you, wondering when you would be happy again.

meanwhile you freeze in his hold, and donghyuck stops, looking down to see your face.

‘do people really think that? that me and donghyuck are dating?’ panic is evident in your tone, by the way your voice shakes.

‘donghyuck can’t be that bad,’ mark jokes, not gauging the way the atmosphere had changed a little bit.

‘it’s not that. it’s just- do you think wonbin will think that too,’ you ask to no-one in particular. you vowed to stop talking about him, figuring your friends were tired of hearing you speak about him time and time again. the words became forbidden from spilling from your lips, and it felt almost foreign for you to say it again.

‘fuck wonbin. who cares what he thinks. he has no right to have any opinion on who you are or aren’t dating,’ there’s a fire in yunjin’s eye, one that tells you she means every word she says and you bow your head, choosing to focus on your shoes instead of meeting the eyes of the three standing in front of you.

mark seemed to be the only one unaware of the whole situation, and looks to donghyuck, thinking they were in the same position. but when he tells you he agrees with yunjin, and rubs your shoulder, he realises he’s the only one. you had seen mark quite a lot in the past three months, but he knew it was probably something you didn’t want to talk about for now, especially because although you had developed a decent friendship, you weren’t exactly best friends. although he did have to wonder how donghyuck found out.

‘we should get going, we’re going to be late,’ your desire to change the subject causes you to shift the focus on to something else, namely the restaurant that you had planned to go to. you know that yunjin wouldn’t easily forget this conversation, that within this week you would end up having a serious talk about your feelings for he who shall not be named. but for now she shows you mercy, pulling mark along with her to lead the way.

in a matter of minutes you arrive at your destination, a dimly lit pan-asian restaurant, decorated with japanese kanji on the walls and various references to koi fish. you’re immediately greeted by a server, leading you to a table for four almost in the middle of the restaurant.

donghyuck, being the gentleman he is, helps you slip out of the thin cardigan you were wearing before pulling your chair out for you and pushing it closer to the table once you were sat, whilst mark mirrored those same actions.

hyuck was animatedly recounting a funny story from his high school days, his expressive gestures making you all laugh. he always added the right amount of exaggeration to achieve the art of storytelling. the conversation was flowing smoothly, laughter erupting here and there, so much so that you almost didn’t notice the figure approaching your table.

‘mark? hyuck? fancy seeing you guys here,’ it’s ning ning in all of her beauty, and you curse yourself for falling into a trance, admiring how perfectly her hair was styled, and the way the dress she wore fit her body like a glove. a leather trench coat was draped around her shoulders underneath the black dior saddle bag, matching with the pumps that clothed her feet. anyone with eyes could see that ning ning was alluring, the words pretty or cute would be lost on someone as perfectly crafted as her.

your instincts cause you to fearfully scan the room, half expecting wonbin to be not too far behind just like last time, but instead you could see the group of girls waiting at the table she had just left, and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in.

‘hey ning ning, it’s been a while.’ you’re surprised that she even knows mark, until you’re told about the music class they share and small flashes of them sharing a stage for the school's summer festival flash in your mind. her energy is enthralling, captivating the attention of everyone at the table, drawing them in with her kind smile and envy courses through your blood at the quality you’re unable to share with her, your personality paling in comparison to hers.

you’re so lost in your own thoughts that you don’t even hear her asking a question, until everyone turns towards you, and you’re met with four sets of eyes on you.

‘i’m sorry i didn’t hear what you said, i think it’s the noise in here,’ you blame it on the music that plays fairly softly in the background, and the small bustle of conversations surrounding you, but if she had picked up on your poor attempt of an excuse, she didn’t seem to show it.

‘i was just asking if you were feeling better. last time i saw you i was quite worried.’

it’s frustrating, how much you would prefer for her to be a bitch, so you could justify any sort of hatred aimed towards her, and spend your time speaking ill of her just to satisfy the dull ache in your chest. instead she was lovely, extremely compassionate and totally unaware of the despair that her mere presence brought you.

‘i’m fine now,’ you don’t mean to sound so cold but it’s hard for you to muster up the strength to push aside your feelings, so you offer her a tight-lipped smile, one that has the corner of your lips quivering from how hard you force it to stay up.

‘that’s good to hear, you definitely look a lot better.’

‘oh i’m sorry, is this a double date?’ she asks, as if the revelation had just dawned on her that two boys and two girls sat together at a restaurant on saturday evening, dressed a bit more fancily for it to be a simple hangout.

you wanted to correct her, to protest her statement but you feel donghyuck pinching your knee under the table  and he answers for you, ‘yes we actually are.’

you’re perplexed, unsure of what reason he would need to lie, but you figure he would explain things to you after she left.

‘aww that’s so cute, i’ve always wanted to go on one of those,’ more small talk is made, but you’re stuck staring at hyuck’s face, trying to decipher his thoughts but failing miserably.

‘i’ll leave you guys to it, enjoy your night,’ ning ning finally departs from your table, calling out over her shoulder as the rest of her friends also rise to their feets, signalling their exits. you wait till you see the last girl push past the swinging doors before you lightly hit donghyuck on his shoulder.

‘why didn’t you tell her we’re not dating? this is definitely not a double date and you know that.’

he shrugs his shoulders in response, like it wasn’t a big deal before he answers. ‘because what good would it do her if she knew.’

you’re even more confused now by what he’s saying. does he mean that both of you should pretend to be in a relationship like the main characters of a romance novel?

‘so are you saying we should fake date?’

‘is this another one of your schemes to get me to fall in love with you?’ he jokes, and you realise that you seem to be taking this a lot more seriously than he is.

‘hyuck,’ you warn him.

‘i’m just saying if people think we are, do we really need to keep on explaining. it’s nobody’s business and it doesn’t hurt to look unavailable when you’re clearly not interested in dating at the moment.’

‘that’s true, it’s not like you’re going around telling people. plus if people think you two are dating they’ll stop with their stupid questions,’ yunjin agrees with his sentiment, and you pick up on a further ulterior motive, one which involves preventing wonbin from trying to swoop back in and sweep you off of your feet when he feels like it. she doesn’t say this out loud, but the look she shares with donghyuck speaks for itself.

‘whatever, all of this talk about dating makes me nauseous,’ it was meant to be received as a joke, but your voice, tinged with a mixture of bitterness and sadness, causes hyuck and yunjin to exchange concerned glances.

ning ning had just left the table after a cordial exchange, yet the atmosphere felt heavy, laden with unsaid words and unspoken truths, the lively hum of conversations from other diners providing a comforting backdrop for the lingering tension in the air.

mark looks around, blinking slowly, sensing the change but seemingly the only one unaware of its cause.

‘something tells me you all know something i don’t.’

you take a deep breath, gathering your thoughts as you feel dongyuck’s reassuring presence besides you, his hands gently resting on your shoulder.

‘ning ning is…. well, she’s dating my ex-boyfriend, wonbin,’ you began, your voice steady but laced with an undercurrent of pain. ‘it’s a long story, and not a very happy one.’

mark’s expression softened, and he leaned in slightly, giving you his full attention. ‘you don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable. but I’m here to listen if you want to share.”

you nod, appreciating his sensitivity. “thanks, mark. i think it’s time you knew,’ taking another deep breath you continued.

‘when i was with wonbin everything was perfect, he was charming, attentive, and made me feel special. i thought i had finally found the one.’

you pause, the memories swirling in your mind as you take a big gulp. yunjin reached across the table, taking your hand in a comforting grip and you drew strength from her touch.

‘he told me that he didn’t like ning ning, and that he was dating her only in public just for appearances. it sounds stupid now but i really wanted to believe it, and i did. eventually i got tired of everything, i wanted to be the only one, to make things public and that’s when he got upset and told me he didn’t love me. he left me for her, ning ning.’

mark’s eyes widened with shock and sympathy. ‘that’s awful, i’m so sorry you went through that.’

his expressions were open and earnest, and you felt relief that he didn’t judge you and instead showed genuine sympathy. 

‘i can’t imagine how tough that must be. but you’re incredibly strong for getting through it and for sharing this with us. you don’t have to face it alone.”

yunjin squeezes your hand tighter. ‘we’re all here for you. you don’t have to carry this burden by yourself.’

‘and we’ll make sure to keep things light and fun. like, i can always offer to trip wonbin if he ever shows his face around us again,’ you couldn’t help but laugh, the tension easing slightly as mark also chuckles, the mood lifting with shared laughter.

as the evening progressed, the conversation shifted to lighter topics, the supportive presence of your friends helping to ease the pain of the past. though the memories of your relationship with wonbin still lingered, you knew you weren’t alone, surrounded by friends who cared deeply for you.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

the next day ning ning joins wonbin in his room after a long day of classes, looking to relax in his presence. instead she’s met with the sight of him slouching in his gaming chair, his hair a fluffy mess, wearing only a black tank top and basketball shorts, making her feel out of place in her pleated skirt and corset top. kicking off her shoes she settles for the edge of his bed, settling into relative silence as she’s left to scroll on her phone. a picture she had taken at the dinner last night reminding her of who she saw.

‘i saw that friend of yours, the one at the game and at the bbq place too. she was at the same restaurant as we were.’

‘oh really?’ wonbin is uninterested, eyes focused on the game, cursing under his breath at the death of one of his teammates, furiously manoeuvring the buttons on his controller, almost forgetting that his girlfriend was in the vicinity.

‘she was on a date. well a double date actually,’ ning ning continues, choosing to move as closely to him as was possible despite his lack of focus on her.

unknowingly the controller slips from his hands, and he freezes, sure that he had misheard what she had said.

‘a date?’ he repeats in disbelief. the person that he knew you as wouldn’t even be able to bring herself to have romantic feelings for another guy, let alone boldly accepting a date with one.

‘yeah. why is that so shocking?’ she kneels down to pick up the console and hand it to him and he has to fight to conceal how he truly feels, just so that she doesn’t suspect anything.

‘no reason, she's just- you know pretty shy and stuff. didn’t think she would be the type,’ the lie easily falls out of his mouth, and he almost applauds himself for how convincing it sounds as ning ning hums and nods her head, aware of the few times she had encountered her how little she spoke.

‘she seemed super extraverted when i saw her. and her and donghyuck, they look so cute together,’ unaware of the change in wonbin’s expression ning ning continues to talk about last night, all whilst wonbin is left to think.

he’s unsure how the two of you even became acquainted, given that he was one of the most popular people in school. the thought of you moving on was one he had never factored in, so sure that no matter how he played it you would always be putty in his arms, dancing to whatever tune he set. 

was it all a lie when you begged for him, telling him it was impossible for you to move on? he’s not sure what the emotion he’s feeling is called, but it burns inside of him and he’s not feeling good about it.

a flash of anger crossed wonbin’s face, but he quickly masked it with a tight smile. ‘i see. so, she’s dating donghyuck now?’

ning ning shrugged, not sensing the shift in his demeanor. ‘it seemed like it. they were really sweet together. anyway, how have you been? I missed you.’

wonbin’s mind raced, anger and jealousy twisting inside him. how dare she move on so easily? he had always controlled the narrative, made her feel insignificant, and now she was out there, smiling and happy without him. the thought infuriated him.

‘i’ve been fine,’ he replied curtly, his tone betraying his inner turmoil. ‘tell me more about this double date. what were they doing?

still unaware of his growing anger, ning ning began recounting the evening. wonbin’s grip on the armrest tightened, his knuckles turning white. ‘it sounds like everyone had a good time,’ he said through gritted teeth.

finally noticing the tension in his voice, she stopped and looked at him with concern. ‘wonbin, are you okay? you seem upset.”

he forced a smile, shaking his head. ‘i’m fine. just a bit tired, that’s all.’ she reaches out, touching his hand gently. ‘if something's bothering you, you can tell me. you know that, right?’

‘i know, thanks babe. it’s just been a long day. let’s not talk about the double dates anymore.

ning ning nodded, sensing that it was best to let the topic drop. she shifted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘alright. let’s just relax and enjoy the evening together.’

as she snuggled against him, wonbin wrapped an arm around her, his thoughts still fixated on you. he couldn’t stand the idea of you being happy without him, and he resolved to find a way to regain control over the situation.

it prompts him to decide to ask about it the next day at school, desperate to find out more. wonbin’s features twisted into a determined scowl, last night’s revelation still echoing in his mind, fueling a mix of jealousy and indignation. you, the one he was so sure he would always have a hold one, had moved on with donghyuck. the thought gnawed at him, stirring a toxic concoction of anger and resentment.

he spotted shotaro, known for his sunny disposition and extensive network of friends, intercepting him near his lockers, his voice clipped with urgency. ‘shorato, i need to ask you something, i heard a rumour yesterday.

‘sure, wonbin, what’s up?’ shotaro, always obliging, nodded and adjusted his backpack.

‘i heard that donghuck has a new girlfriend,’ he puts effort into appearing nonchalant, scrolling on his phone as if he had better things to do, and as if it was just insignificant gossip he had heard in passing.

‘yeah it seems so, i think you know the girl too, the one at your basketball game. they’re together all the time now. i’ve seen them come into school together too a few times,’ shotaro is none the wiser, easily dishing out the gossip, all whilst wonbin fights hard to control the way his jaw now tics, rage pulsing through his veins as he felt a flash of irritation.

it was clear that the time apart between you two had done more harm than good. but park wonbin was not a nice guy, or someone often graced with rational thoughts. to him, in some sick and twisted way, you were cheating on him. you had betrayed his trust and he refused to let this go on any longer.

a flicker of rage crossed wonbin’s face, quickly masked by a cold smile. ‘interesting. and what else have you heard?’

shotaro frowned, sensing the tension in wonbin’s demeanour. ‘well, there’s also talk about donghyuck hosting a party this weekend. he’s invited a lot of people already but it seems like anyone could come.’

wonbin’s mind raced with possibilities. a party meant an opportunity to see you, to confront you in a social setting where he could exert his influence. he nodded slowly, his plan forming with each passing second. ‘thanks, shotaro. see you around.’

with that, he turned on his heel and strode down the hallway, his mind focused on the upcoming party. he needed to regain control, to remind you of your past and what you both once shared. wonbin was determined to break you down, to manipulate your emotions.

throughout the day, wonbin’s thoughts remained fixed on his plan. he knew exactly what he needed to do at donghyuck’s party. he would corner you, slowly chipping away at your resolve until you saw that being with him was where you truly belonged.

making his way through the crowded halls, wonbin’s outward appearance was calm and collected, but inside, a storm of determination raged. he would stop at nothing to win you back, even if it meant using manipulation and deceit to achieve his goal. the party was just the beginning of his calculated scheme to reclaim what he believed was rightfully his.

perhaps it was narcissistic, the sense of entitlement that he felt that created the need for admiration, but your naivety and how easy it was to get you to fall at his knees at his every word meant that he would not let go of you.

 not until he wanted to.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

‘home sweet home,’ you kick off your shoes, barely getting your jacket past your waist until you flop onto donghyuck’s bed. it was his birthday today, meaning you had been on your feet all day, making sure his cake was ready, or that the cocktails ordered were the right flavours amongst other last minute things.

as tired as you were though, it didn’t bother you as much. hyuck had been a good friend to you, someone you cherished dearly, so giving up a few hours on his special day was not much of a hassle. you had just gotten back from picking up the birthday cake and cupcakes from the bakery with yunjin and mark, and decided to get what little rest you could before you had to get ready for the party.

‘move over,’ yunjin is motioning with her hands for you to leave some space for her, and as soon as you do she’s lying down besides you whilst mark watches at the doorway, arms folded with a smile on his face.

‘what’s got you smiling?’

‘i’m just thinking about how happy i am for hyuck. he’s got a girl that finally cares about him,’ you sit up at those words so suddenly that you’re sure your vision shifts for a couple of seconds.

‘they’re not in love with each other mark, give it up babe,’ yunjin speaks up for you, rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. it wasn’t a secret that mark heavily advocated for the two of you to be together, given that hyuck was his bestfriend and the two of you were getting closer. he believed that your shared experiences of getting your heart broken and being taken advantage of due to loving too hard would work in your favour if you became a couple.

it was a thought that weighed heavily on your mind during this week. you were certain that if you were to be in a relationship with him, your worries of not being loved, or being abandoned, or being treated poorly like the rest of your exes would no longer be a concern. he was the sweetest boy you had ever met, and he always had your best interests at heart.

‘do you really not see hyuck in that way?’ mark turns the question to you, and it makes you pause and think. in an ideal world he would be the perfect partner for you, the one that you needed. but it was impossible to fill a wonbin shaped hole in your heart with someone that wasn’t him.

‘i wish i did,’ you confess truthfully, and to yunjin’s surprise, a little sadly. it makes her also now sit up, bringing her arms around your shoulders to bring you into a hug.

‘it’s alright if you don’t. you’re allowed to take as much time as you need to heal, there’s no time limit for that.’

her words comfort you and she gives you a small squeeze and a kiss on the cheek before she’s up on her feet again.

‘we have two hours before people start arriving and i need at least thirty minutes for my eyeliner alone.’

you’re left in hyuck’s room by yourself, deciding on also getting ready, even though it was a bit too early for you. a part of you felt bad for the mess you were sure to make in his room, your makeup products and brushes laid all over the table, outfit on his bed and a couple pairs of heels by the foot of his bed.

music played softly in the background as you sat at donghyuck’s vanity, your reflection framed by the ornate mirror adorned with fairy lights that you had convinced him to hang up. you ran your fingers through your hair, contemplating how to style it for the evening ahead.

it was nice to have a moment to yourself, leisurely taking your time to get ready. however, it meant that you were also left alone with your thoughts, which were anything but peaceful.

maybe you had healed. maybe all you needed to be completely over wonbin would be to allow yourself to be with someone else. it might help the thoughts of him that would momentarily flash in your mind, or the part of you that you felt still blindly loved him. it was time to let park wonbin go. for good.

just as you finished styling your hair into loose waves, there was a gentle knock on the door and before you could respond, mark and yunjin poked their heads into the room.

‘hey,’ mark greeted, leaning against the doorframe. ‘how’s it going in here?’

yunjin steps inside, her eyes bright with excitement as she waltzes into the room, mark in tow. ‘you look gorgeous my love. are you almost ready?’

you chuckle softly at their excitement, ‘almost, just finishing up. thanks for letting me borrow donghyuck’s room, mark.

mark nodded, his expression kind. ‘of course. take your time, everyone’s still doing one thing or another.’ 

‘someone would think that you were the birthday girl,’ mark joked as he admired his girlfriend parading around the room, a second pair of heels in her clutches.

‘looking good doesn’t need an occasion my love.’

you weren’t too far off either, your hair curled beautifully, cascading down to your back, and the black glittery two piece you wore clung to your body. you would have settled for a simple dress or even some jeans, but yunjin profusely objected, threatening to disown you.

according to her, as his closest friends they had a duty to look equally as good as donghyuck, although you were sure it was just an excuse for her to get all dressed up, like she loved to do.

‘whatever you say princess.’

the soft murmur of conversation fills donghyuck’s room as you all lounged comfortably on his bed, basking in the calm before the storm of his birthday party. you were taking refuge here after helping set up downstairs, enjoying a brief respite before the festivities began in earnest.

yunjin pulls out her phone, noting the time. ‘i think the first guests should be arriving soon,’ she remarked, glancing at you and mark.

‘yeah hyuck said they’d start showing up around this time. we should probably head downstairs.’

you all descend the stairs together, the llively chatter and laughter from downstairs growing louder as you approached the front door. you swung it open first, just as the doorbell chimed, revealing a group of donghyuck’s friends eagerly waiting to join the celebration.

‘hey, come on in!’ you greet them warmly, stepping aside to let the guests enter.

mark and yunjin followed suit, exchanging greetings and directing everyone towards the living room where the party was unfolding. upstairs, the boys were still in full swing, pre-gaming and engaging in last-minute preparations and games. donghyuck’s voice echoed down the stairs as he rallied his friends for the night ahead.

meanwhile, you busied herself ensuring everything was running smoothly. you checked the food and drinks, adjusting a few decorations here and there to perfectionist standards. the cake was laid out carefully on the kitchen table, surrounded by the mini cupcakes, and drinks were lined up with three hired bartenders. the decorations were just as you had imagined, and the presents that his friends were bringing for him were in place.

‘you could totally become an event planner,’ donghyuck’s voice causes you to turn around and you gasp at the sight of him as he leans against the counter casually. he’s always been attractive, that was non-disputable, but tonight it seemed like he had exceeded those plain terms. it reminded you of the night you first met, his dark tresses providing a flawless contrast with his skin, golden and clear, dotted with the beauty marks you loved to stare at so much.

the leather jacket he wore seemed to fit him well, and you wondered if all the time he had recently been spending in the gym was finally paying off by the way his white shirt clung to his body. but it was the faint traces of eyeliner circling his hooded eyes that left you awestruck, complimenting his eyes.

‘is this your way of telling me i look good?’ he bites his lip before a smirk graces his lips, playfulness emboldening his irises as he steps closer and closer, until you can smell the cologne that lingers on his shirt.

‘you do,’ you’re straightforward with your answer because it’s the truth.

‘i’ve got nothing on you though. thought an angel temporarily came down to visit,’ he says jokingly, but something about the look in his eye makes you feel that he means his words. 

the space between you becomes non-existent, and slowly you feel him brush a stray piece of hair away from your eyes, his fingers lingering around your face for longer than it usually would.

your eyes meet, a silent conversation unfolding between you if you were suspended in a moment outside of time. the air in the kitchen crackled with an electric tension, the proximity intoxicating, the space between you charged with a magentic pull.

you’re about to reply but you’re interrupted by jeno and jaemin, a bottle in each hand, hollering about taking shots for the birthday boy. tension that you weren’t sure was even possible to feel with donghyuck dissipates, and you feel him go back to his old self as he allows the boys to drag him out to the middle of the dance floor.

‘what was that all about?’ yunjin asks, and you failed to notice her standing behind jeno’s bigger frame, causing you to jump a little. she looks at you suspiciously, as if you had done something and gotten caught.

‘nothing,’ your reply is too quick, voice far too squeaky for her to believe you, and she had known you for too long to be deceived so easily.

‘so that means there was something. it looked like he was about to kiss you.’

you knew that, you were aware that the way his eyes would flicker down to your lips, or the way his second hand came and held you at the small of your back. you’d been kissed before, and it wasn’t hard to miss the signs. but something else shocked you, and you snap out of your daze to look your friend in the eye.

‘i know, and i think i would have let him.’

yunjin’s jaw drops dramatically before her hands fly to her mouth. ‘you mean-’

‘yes.’

‘i need some more alcohol.’

half of the night is spent inside your own mind, replaying the scene with donghyuck over and over again. he was going to kiss you, and if you hadn’t been stopped by jeno’s loud voice it would have happened. did this mean you were over wonbin? was it just because it had been such a long time since you had been kissed and you missed it? did you like hyuck as more than a friend?

the memory replayed in your mind like a haunting melody, a glimpse of what could have been. but each time you closed your eyes to savour the moment, flashes of park wonbin intruded upon your thoughts. his smile, his touch, his whispered promises- the memories of your tumultuous relationship resurfaced with unsettling clarity.

doubt gnawed at your resolve, casting shadows over the budding attraction you believed you felt for donghyuck. in this fleeting moments of introspection, you confronted the harsh truth. you were not over wonbin.

as the night wore on and the party reached its crescendo of laughter and music, you found yourself slipping deeper into a whirlpool of conflicting emotions. despite the outward revelry, an internal storm brewed within you. you drifted through the crowd with a plastic smile, deflecting conversations and laughter as though they were merely obstacles in your path. 

but behind your façade, a maelstrom of doubt and regret churned relentlessly. you had come so far in your journey of healing, painstakingly unravelling the tendrils of love and manipulation that wonbin had woven around your heart. yet, tonight, his ghost haunted you once more.

in a moment of weakness, you found yourself standing at the makeshift bar, fingers gripping a drink with more force than necessary. the amber liquid swirled in the glass, its scent sharp and intoxicating. without hesitation, you raised it to your lips, welcoming the burn that seared down your throat.

the alcohol offered a fleeting reprieve—a temporary numbing of the pain that threatened to overwhelm you. with each sip, you hoped to drown out the memories, to silence the doubts that clawed at your resolve. but with every passing moment, the thoughts of wonbin persisted, stubbornly refusing to be subdued.

disappointment settled heavily in your chest, mingling with self-recrimination. you had worked tirelessly to banish wonbin from your thoughts, to rebuild yourself without the weight of his presence. yet here you were, succumbing to the allure of temporary oblivion.

so you found yourself turning to alcohol with increasing desperation. each drink became a lifeline, a means to drown out the relentless thoughts of park wonbin that plagued your mind.

the burn in your throat was now a distant sensation. with each sip, you felt yourself slipping further from reality, the chaotic noise of the party fading into a dull hum. you didn’t want to think anymore tonight. and eventually it worked its magic. in this intoxicated state, you were free from the torment of memories, free from the disappointment in yourself from succumbing to old wounds.

the dance floor pulsed with energy, the bass vibrating through the floor and up into your bones. the dim, colourful lights spun in dizzying patterns, casting fleeting shadows on the faces of your friends and strangers alike, all moving to the beat. you throw your head back and laugh, the alcohol buzzing warmly in your veins, making everything feel brighter, louder, more intense.

your drink sloshed in its glass as you swayed to the rhythm, the liquid gleaming under the flashing lights. you take another sip, the sweetness masking the burn of the alcohol. your movements become more fluid and uninhibited with every passing moment, the night was a blur of sound and colour, and for once, you felt free.

but then you heard it- ‘who the fuck invited park wonbin?’

your heart lurched, the sound slicing through the haze of joy and alcohol like a knife. involuntarily, you stop moving, your  eyes wide and unfocused as you scan the crowd. the music seemed to fade into the background, replaced by the rush of blood in your ears.

the world seems to pause as those two words register in your head and you freeze. hyuck, who is just as oblivious to the situation as you were a couple of seconds ago, feels you stop dancing and furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

you see his lips move, and you’re sure he’s talking to you, but you can’t hear anything. as if you’re wearing noise cancelling headphones, the voices around you sound muffled. worried at your lack of response you feel the palms of his hand coming to the side of your face to bring you out of your trance.

 park wonbin is all you can see. you’re enthralled by the way his hair seems even longer than it was last time, beautifully falling just a few inches above his shoulders. he easily looked the best out of all the boys there, comparable to an angel with the way his delicate features are a distinction from his dark clothes, or his jet black hair that he lets fall freely. that was the man you had fallen in love with, the one who had the ability to render you speechless. the man who had wrapped your heart in a barbed wire of lies and control. a shiver runs down your spine, skin prickling with the memory of his touch, his words. he was here.

‘how is wonbin’s here,’ someone said again, closer this time, making you sure it was yunjin, who was far from pleased, but the damage was already done. he stood at the edge of the dance floor, his gaze locked onto you with the same intensity that had once made you feel special, desired. now, it only filled you with dread, his presence a dark cloud, threatening to consume your light and drag you back into the shadows.

he looks down to your fingers that are laced together with hyuck’s, a sight that ignited a surge of possessiveness within him but you’re unable to tell at first how he’s feeling except for the quirk of his eyebrow. then you notice the way his jaw clenched tightly before he unclenched it and you know what that meant- wonbin was pissed.

panic surged through you, a cold wave that washed away the warmth of the alcohol. you couldn’t handle this. you couldn’t handle him. not here, not now. fear and confusion twisted inside you, making it hard to breathe. the room seems to close in on you, stomach twisting and you quickly excuse yourself, your aim to make it away from his prying eyes.

you turn on your heel, pushing through the crowd, your movements frantic and desperate, too focused on stabilising yourself. the faces around you blurred, their laughter and conversations fading into a distant hum.

you burst into the bathroom, the door swinging shut behind you with a loud thud. the room was starkly lit, the harsh fluorescent lights a jarring contrast to the dim, colourful glow outside.

the bathroom was a sanctuary of shadows, the dim light casting long, wavering reflections on the tiled walls. you stood at the sink, gripping its edge with such fervour that your knuckles turned white, your heart a drumbeat of anxiety, pounding in your chest as you stared into the mirror, trying to calm your racing thoughts.

the door creaked open behind you, and  a chill crawled up you spine. you didn’t need to turn around to know who had entered. 

park wonbin’s presence filled the small space like a dark cloud, heavy and oppressive. he moved with the grace of a predator, his footsteps barely making a sound as he approached you.

‘having fun?’ his voice startles you, heart racing as you accidentally hit the sink, shaking your head like a fool as your heart squeezes in your chest.

you feel bile rise rapidly to your throat, head pounding as the room starts to spin, but seemingly only for you. wonbin looks at you with pure disgust, as if you’re covered in filth, not worthy of being in his presence.

you hated the idea of him being annoyed or disappointed in you and soon tears started to streak down your face, the dam breaking before you could even attempt to hold it in, lip quivering as you blinked rapidly to stop the droplets of water from obstructing your vision.

‘wonbin please-’

‘lee donghyuck? really?’ he barely gives you a chance to speak, his actions contradicting the harsh words he spews as he gently uses his thumb to wipe away a few tears. you’re a whimpering mess, body shaking like a leaf as you try hard to stabilise yourself.

no matter how much time passed, no matter how much you willed yourself to, you couldn’t get over park wonbin. you loved him to a fault, you loved him to the point that it hurt. your love was like a rose, appearing beautiful from the red petals and buds, but stinging like the thorns that weaved up the stem.

‘you have no right to care about who i am or am not dating,’ you echo the words of hyuck, trying to seem bold and brave, pushing his hand away from you.

wonbin stops, his eyes trailing down and stopping at your feet, hair falling in front of his eyes and for a few seconds he doesn’t move. then you see his shoulders move up and down, slowly at first but they increase in speed. you know you shouldn’t be but in worry of him crying you hastily lift his head in your hands. only his face is dry, void of any tears and you see that he’s laughing instead.

‘i don’t-’

‘you’re so fucking stupid, he obviously just wants to use you.’

you’re taken aback by how harsh his words are, realising it was a mistake for you to have even said anything in the first place.you want to leave, to turn away from this suffocating situation to somewhere you can finally breathe but you’re trapped, his hands gripping your wrist, holding you against the wall.

that’s not fair wonbin. you left me,’ your voice is small, almost incomprehensible but he catches on to what you’re saying. he had you right where he wanted you, still stupidly in love with him, and he didn’t know whether to feel pity for your naivety or rejoice.

‘do you know how it felt to hear from other people that you moved on? you hurt me,’ it’s become wonbin’s second nature to turn accusations around and throw the blame on you. to make you feel like the bad guy, like you were the one in the wrong.

it was the final blow to your heart, and you feel yourself about to heave, moving past him with a shove to grip the sink, head dangerously close to the faucet as you try to steady your breathing. but he doesn’t stop there, he won’t be finished till he leaves you a mess on the bathroom floor, broken and unable to move on from him.

‘you know how hard it was for me, and you couldn’t even be patient, you tried to replace me so fast. did you even love me?’

‘stop-‘ you can barely breathe, the room closing in as you try to steady yourself, eyes shut as you pray for a miracle, for something to pull you out of this nightmare.

‘but that’s a stupid question, because i know the answer. you love me to a fault, you love me to the point it hurts you, but like a fool you keep coming back. want to know why? it’s because that’s what love is,’ he’s so close, close enough for you to smell that familiar scent of mint and cedarwood that you loved so much. it’s suffocating, making you lightheaded, and yet just like him you can’t get enough.

‘it’s not like the flowery shit you read in your books. nobody can give you that but me. no one can truly love you but me,’ he continues, not caring for how pale you turn, or how you slowly sink down to your knees, the pain of being so close to him making it unbearable for you to even stand on your own two feet.

he watches as you curl into a ball, despair coursing through your blood and a numbness clouding your eyes. your worst fears had been vocalised- maybe wonbin was the only one who would be able to love you. it made sense that he was the only one to ignite the flame of passion that you felt in the pits of your stomach. it made sense that only he held the ability to temper with your emotions to such an extreme extent. true love, that was what that feeling was.

you shrink back down into your own hollow body, lost, lacking and defeated. you sigh as you see him crouch down till he is eye level with you. you let him use his thumb to tenderly wipe away the tears that he caused as you saturate yourself in dreaded affliction.

he leaned in closer, his voice low but smooth. ‘you know, without me, you would still be just the sad broken girl, unable to love again. i’m the reason that you changed. i’ve helped you become the person you are today.’

his words wrapped around you like a silken noose, tightening with each sentence. you wanted to protest, to assert your own worth independent of his influence, but his presence was overpowering.

 every time you had tried to move on, to forget him, you were reminded of the times he had been there for you, the vulnerabilities only he had witnessed, the secrets you both held dear to your hearts. his manipulation was an art form, carefully crafted over time, making her doubt her own feelings and rely more on his.

‘remember when you said you couldn’t imagine your life without me?’ wonbin’s voice was a soft whisper now, his eyes locking onto yours.

‘i know you felt it too. we’re meant to be together.’ 

your heart ached under the weight of his words, the lines between love and control blurring in the fog of your emotions. you nod slowly, the fight within you dwindling as his grip tightened, pulling you deeper into the web he had spun so expertly around your heart.

‘don’t run away from the truth.’

his words wrapped around you like tendrils of smoke, suffocating and inescapable. you wanted to pull away, to escape the web he was spinning, but you felt rooted to the spot.

‘what truth?’

‘the truth that you have never stopped loving me, you were with donghyuck just to make me mad, to lie to yourself that you could move on from me when we both know that’s not possible,’ he murmured, his voice a silken thread of deceit. 

his hand moved from your shoulder to your cheek, a mockery of tenderness. you close your eyes, trying to block out the sensations, but his words kept seeping into your mind, eroding your defences like waves against a crumbling cliff.

‘come with me,’ he coaxed, his voice now a siren’s call. ‘leave this party, leave these people who don’t understand you. let’s find our own way, just the two of us, like it’s supposed to be.’

his manipulation was a masterful dance, each step designed to pull you closer, to break down your will. your eyes open again, your resolve slipping through your fingers like sand. you saw the satisfaction in his eyes, the gleam of triumph that he couldn’t quite hide, but it was too late.

your heart twisted, a mix of fear and the old, dangerous comfort of his words stirring within you.

‘wonbin, i… i don’t know.’

‘come with me, please. let’s leave this place. you know we’re meant to be together. no one will ever love you like i do,’ he reiterated. his manipulation was subtle, insidious, and your defences, worn thin by the weight of your history together, crumbled. 

‘okay,’ you whispered, the word barely escaping your lips, your willpower drained.

wonbin smiled, a wolf’s smile, and took your hand. he led you out of the bathroom, his grip firm and possessive. the music thumped through the walls, relentless rhythm that seemed to sync with your racing heart. as you descended down the stairs and walked through the crowded room, your head hung low, the weight of your decision pressing down on you. 

the party was in full swing, vibrant laughter and animated conversations filling the room. fairy lights now twinkled overhead, casting a warm glow over the crowded space, yet you felt a chill as you moved towards the door, your ex-boyfriend’s hand firm around your wrist.

yunjin and mark stood near the doorway, their expressions a mirror of the others. yunjin’s eyes were filled with tears, her hand clutching mark’s arm in a silent plea for comfort. mark’s jaw was set, his frustration barely contained as he watched you leave with wonbin.

‘i can’t believe he’s taking her again. after all we’ve done,’ yunjin’s grip on mark’s arm intensifies, her voice trembling out of frustration.

she had seen it all unfold- the sudden arrival of park wonbin, like a dark storm cloud interrupting the starry night. she witnessed your hesitation, your inevitable retreat into the bathroom, and how his figure stalked after yours not long after.

her eyes reflect a mixture of sadness and frustration as she turns to her boyfriend, ‘mark he’s ruined everything. she was so close….’

mark nods in understanding, his own brow furrowed with empathy.

‘she doesn’t deserve this. not after everything he put her through. i was there, mark. he broke her, i was so scared i would lose her.’

you had come so far since breaking free from wonbin’s manipulative grasp. you had found joy and laughter again, surrounded only by people who loved and cherished you, like it was supposed to be. and now, in one swift and calculated move, wonbin had disrupted it all.

 it was donghyuck’s face that stung the most though, his normally cheerful and bright expression now a canvas of hurt and confusion. he had hoped that tonight would be a turning point, a chance for you to find happiness away from the shadows of your past, away from wonbin and in his arms instead. now, he watched helplessly as you were led back into the darkness, both physically and metaphorically.

outside, the night air was cool and crisp, hitting you both as you stepped outside, a stark contrast to the heavy atmosphere inside.  the noise of the party is muffled behind the closed door. wonbin’s smile widened, the satisfaction of his victory warming him from within. he had you back, ensnared once more in his web of lies and manipulation, pulling you back into his orbit and away from the support and love of your friends.

you walk beside him, heart heavy with regret and self-doubt. the night stretched out before you, a labyrinth of choices and consequences, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that you were walking deeper into the maze, farther away from the light. the feeling of eyes watching you from behind following you.

but for now, wonbin’s grip was unyielding, and you followed him into the darkness, hoping desperately that you might one day find your way out.

[boizandgurlzinthehouse]

𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

summary: y/n didn't fell well in the last year... and she probably never will feel herself well again. word count: 2.832k trigger warning: SUICIDE, SELF-HARM (really, don't read it if it trigger you please please please), psych ward, signs of mental illnesses, heartbreak, hallucinating, screaming, farewell letter

count your fingers. breathe in, breathe out.

"are you doing this again?"

y/n sat on her bed, smoking a cigarette as she read the newest tabloids. others were watching tv in the lodge, but she preferred to out out some titles and interesting articles. the date stated 1995, may 3rd.

"you are no longer in the newspaper. they're dumb, never writing anything in these papers, fuckers."

scratching her neck, her nail broke at the end. it was weak ever since she got here, sleeping and eating was difficult also.

"but they were true about me."

she looked at him, pulling her knees to herself.

"fuck you, they weren't."

kurt sat at the leg of the bed, now the closest ever. he always stood at the door, sat by the window, or sat on the ground, facing her.

just keep counting. six, seven, eight...

"you look like you need a rest, love. dark circles doesn't fit you."

something constantly buzzed in her mind, like a radio band is always on, even if there's no music and no jokes. or the tv in the lodge at 2am, no shows were playing, she always talked with kurt at night, until the nurses didn't guide her back to her room. she was alone here, at peace, doing what she liked to do --writing her diary, reading books, painting her nails. he wanted to paint kurt's too, but he never came close to her, never let her touch him. he was distant, but in a comforting way.

"who do i need to look beauty for?" y/n asked, exhaling the smoke. kurt smiled, pointing at himself.

"for me."

"yeah, of course."

take your medicine. place a pill on your tongue, then swallow it down with a gulp of water.

the next dose of pills were laying on the plate, waiting for her to take them with a cup of water. they trusted her enough to take it alone, since she almost scratched her wrists from freaking out too many times. the clock on her nightstand ringed, it was time.

"you know i'll never disappear, even if you take those?" kurt laid back on her bed, reaching his hand to the ceiling.

brushing her hair, y/n turned away her head from him. she didn't want to hear this, and to turn to her sane sense.

"if you live only in my head, why can't i just make you go away?" she whispered, her eyes lingering on the lace of the curtain, forming an angel and a bunny.

"because you don't want to let me go."

looking at him again, the buzzing was so intense and it wasn't pleasuring. the voice wanted to tell her something, but it never could. it was a void. she was a void.

am i telling this to myself too? y/n felt tired, picking a pill, popping into her mouth. she ate more pills than actual meals, in the first two months, it was strange to even eat after only living on little pieces of medicine for so long. she looked at kurt, he was still here. ten more minutes and he'll be gone, but the pills only made her tired, they never sent him truly away. or, maybe it was easy to crawl into her mind. laying down, she used her boney arm as an extra pillow, dragging the comforter up on her body.

"when i wake up, piss off."

"can't promise, princess." kurt said, leaning on his elbow as he saw her closing her eyes.

days went like this --waking up before 10am, taking pills, skipping breakfast because the pills always caused her nausea, playing and talking with the others in the psych ward, talking with her own psychiatrist, eating lunch, taking pills, resting in the afternoon, reading the tabloids every wednesday, watching the telly or reading a book before dinner, and then, taking the day's last pills, and then sleeping all night, but she often woke up, sometimes two or three times even.

a knock woke her up from her deep slumber, making her shake. looking around, kurt was not around anymore --at least he kept his poor promise. a nurse, dorothy was standing in the door.

"good afternoon, y/n. you have a visitor."

it was strange. she broke her connections with most people, only dave and christ knew that y/n was still in here.

"who?" she asked, getting up to put on her shoes.

"his name is dave grohl. do you know him?" dorothy asked, making her nod. standing up, y/n went out on the door, seeing dave. walking up to him, dave smiled at her, but it was something uncertain in his eyes. y/n gave up for caring about other's feelings a couple months ago, since she couldn't even deal with hers.

"hello, angel! how are you?" he asked in the sound like you ask from a child, hugging her lightly.

"totally fine." really, she was in a psych ward almost a year from now on, what could she say?

"can we go for a walk? that girl... maybe dorothy? said that we can go for a little walk, i want to know what's going on with you."

stepping outside, y/n breathed fresh air only when she opened her window, and went for a short trip with the others once in three months. the air was calming, and the sun didn't shine too bright, flowers grow on the edge of the sidewalk. dave was so strange, like he also lived in her mind. but he doesn't have to know about that.

"so, what's up? hanging around, uhm..." he wanted to continue, but y/n looked at him.

"chill, dave. i know this place is a horror house. i'm pretty fine, dealing with my things and stuff... and you?"

"i'm fine also. me and jennifer talked about having kids, but i'm not feeling the time yet."

"i felt that." she and kurt had frances, y/n loved her as her own daughter, even if that crazy woman courtney fretted her for being in the baby's presence.

"i have some pictures about bean, do you wanna see them? courtney was against it, but... i thought you'd like."

"that's really nice from you, dave."

seeing the pictures, she felt like the whole universe laughed at her. the buzzing started again, she tried to smile. "how big she is!"

"yeah, well, she is just like her fath-"

dave suddenly silenced. because everybody knew. everybody knew that y/n got in here because kurt died, her mind couldn't comprehend the fact, and she began to see him. she began to hallucinate, and most of the time, she just laid on her bed and looked at the ceiling, not eating, not drinking. if she wasn't crying or screaming, she was sleeping or just being like a sack of potato. the most miserable sack of potato. almost a year, and she didn't even made the smallest progress. she clearly, medically went crazy because of her lover's death.

"look, y/n... me, jen, chris and his wife is going on a trip... you should come too. it's much warmer there in california, you could loose up a little bit, don't you?"

y/n scratched her arms, looking at the stop sign at the end of the road.

"it's a really nice idea, dave. thank you. it's just... what if kurt-"

"what? what about kurt?" dave asked, getting angry. "sorry, but what fucking about him?"

"nothing, just... nothing, really, i just don't want to go."

"because of him? y/n, i don't want to be mean, but did you look at yourself? his death caused all of us pain, but you literally got sick from it."

"what about me? what about me, what about me?" she yelled. "don't say that he's dead, because i fucking see him everyday, and i'm not gonna let it slip!"

"do you see him right now, huh? do you see him? because if yes, then you are just the same as those girls who get shocked to be normal just a little bit!"

"and what if i saw him? what if i saw him and he just could see that how big of a cock your are, fuck you, dave!"

he laughed like he doesn't believed what he just heard.

"here we fucking are again, y/n! because i'm a good friend of yours, i'm gonna tell you that nobody fucking sees him, nobody who's normal! i thought that it's just some aftermath of your depression, but..."

"but what? i am crazy? i am compulsive? i am fucking hopeless? because you know, every fucking day was a menace since things got fucked up!"

"no, you are fucking worse than you were when he died!" dave screamed, trying to reach for her arm to get her back to the psych ward, but y/n clawed at him like a cat, while from the tip of her throat, an enormous shriek came from her, and then y/n just snapped.

"HE MAY BE DEAD! AND EVEN IF HE IS, I WISH I COULD DIE EVERY DAY JUST TO FREE MYSELF FROM ALL OF THIS VOID!" her vocal cords almost teared up as she screamed, crouching on the ground, holding her head. this was the end, the waves crashed above her head, the endless sea of her depression caged her in.

like a switch finally turned down, y/n tried to collect her breath, but it didn't helped. she went too deep, and the last breath of hope was sucked out from her.

"are you okay? y/n, fuck, are you alright?" dave asked her. y/n stood up, brushing her hair from her face.

"yes, i think everything's okay." she felt her own voice static, but it didn't matter.

"okay, then... shall we go back? you must be tired."

"yeah. let's go back."

dave didn't even know that he saw her the last time alive.

"i hope you get a little rest. i think it wasn't a good idea to come, but... i care about you. we all do." he said inside, y/n pulled up the muscles of her lips.

"it's okay. it was good to see you, dave." giving him a hug, it lasted a little bit too long, but he wanted too, so it wasn't a problem. she just wanted to feel loved after so long.

"see you later, y/n."

"yeah, see you too, dave!" she waved to him from the window, dave got out his camera from his car.

"do this again! wave and say, 'hi everybody!'"

"hi, goodbye, good morning, good afternoon everybody!" she sang while faning with her hand, smiling. dave waved to her the last time, then he got in his car, riding away.

do kurt miss christ and dave just as she?

1am. 1995, may 4th.

not a soul walked on the hallways of the ward. it was peaceful, only the small droplets from the fountain harmed the silence. only one bathtub, filled with water, a hand hanging on the side of the white porcelain. little curls of steam floating in the air.

"are you sure about that?"

he was here again, with her. kurt leaned on the brim of the tub, looking at y/n as she collected the pills. she's gonna swallow all of it, with two gulps of water, and then... she didn't know what's going after this, but she couldn't handle it any longer. life was too heavy, she felt it on her shoulders, her spine, her head, it crawled it's weight into her guts from day to day, a new day, a new weight.

looking at him, she stopped in her movements.

"did it hurt?"

kurt only smiled at that, saccharine in his smile.

"did life hurt?"

"only when you weren't there." she replied, then, placing the first dose of pills into her hand. "i wrote a letter. i hope they find it. and i hope i'll find you."

because she hoped, really. she had hope, not for life, but for him. she felt dumb every time she saw lame romance movies about people can't live without each other, but it turned out that it was true. she literally died without him, and air got much more suffocating.

looking at the pills, she looked up to the cross on the wall in front of her. so this is the end.

"i'll look for you, kurt. i love you." she said, not even paying attention to the fact if he was there or not, even if he just lived in her head. downing the pills, chug, another doze of pills, chug. just a couple of minutes, and no days will be spent with agony and crying, screaming, watching shitty movies, trying to live.

somehow, it was comforting to her.

laying back in the warm water, she saw kurt coming closer to her. her vision began to get blurry, and she felt stomach churn, her heart and liver exploding, but it was only a little pain. her lover bend over her, and maybe he touched her, kissing her forehead, but she didn't felt it. there was no movie in front of her eyes, playing her whole life, there weren't any so special things from books the writers always talked about. it was just laying down and resting for awhile.

in her last moments, she felt nothing else but warmth.

dear everybody, or anybody who finds this,

i never wasted too much words about anything. maybe i should have done, but i'm not gonna change this, so please, don't judge me. it's rude to judge dead people anyway.

everyone who thinks that my actions is in connection with kurt, they're right. i don't want to brag about my mental state, let's just say, i didn't feel well in the last couple of months. people around you change you, taking you to a ride, and i guess that i wasn't ready for the end of the ride. in the end, i only want you to remember that how wonderful and gentle, unique and perfect creatures we are. i loved myself, always, i just didn't love the way i felt.

some words to the people, because i was too much of a scaredy-cat to talk with them in the last rounds: dave and chris. you two are truly wonderful, the best guys i could ever imagine. i'm sorry that you have to get to know about this in a letter, but please, never let kurt's memory die, and maybe, don't even let mine. i didn't do a lot of good things in my life, but i loved. i loved and cared, and maybe that can be valuable even for you. courtney, i know we've never been good friends, but maybe, we never could be. i just want to wish you strength and courage for the rest of your life, i've never invalidated your feelings. maybe i felt just like you, excluding the fact that i don't have a lovely supergirl. frances bean, you little star; you won't remember me, but i'll remember you. you are the most fantastic girl i've ever known, and you'll gonna rock the world, just like your father did.

i don't want you to be sad. i wasn't sad, just a little crazy. living our lives without our loved ones claims us to be strong and brave, but i'm not enough brave for it. you're gonna do it instead of me, and my gratitude will chase you forever.

never forget to love and care! i did the same.

y/n y/l/n

she opened her eyes, sun shining through her eyelids. where the hell she was? feeling something soft under her touch; she laid on sand. little rocks pressed into her palms as she sat up. she didn't know where she was, and she wasn't even certain if she did what she did. coming to her senses, the waves crashed in the ocean only a few foot apart from her. washing the shore, it almost get wet her too. it was peaceful and unusual.

but she was not the only one sitting on the beach.

a figure, 60 feet from her sat just like her in silence, looking at the ocean and the dawning sun. could it be...

standing up, she was unsure in her steps, but somehow, she managed to go closer. it was him. instead of screaming and jumping, she simply crouched beside kurt, looking at him, so she was sure that it's really him. the wind blew his hair, his lips surely were salty from the air. brushing through his hair at the back of his neck, the blonde curls felt like silk. he was an angel.

without saying a word, y/n leaned her head on his shoulder. she could touch him now, watching as the sun bleed through the sky. she felt something warm in her chest–

–sure it wasn't reality. but it didn't even needed to be.

a/n: this is my first oneshot in this genre, and to be honest... i don't want to write more. i just had a very depressed couple of weeks, and this just came into my mind. i won't write fics like this, it turned out that i like domestic comfort and fluff more. if you liked it, or want to request, write in the comments, dm me or write here

stay safe, love yourself girliez,

louisa

[moonsunlovers]

Jimin, the art collector? 🧐

Maybe for their future home

Hi!! Welcome to my new rant. Today this two cuties came!!! Namjoon uploaded a story showing that Jimin and him have spend some time today in the Frieze Seoul 2023 (what a coincidence that Jimin is more active on instagram and letting us know what is he doing now that Jungkook is on the US btw 👀).

And with it something that I haven’t seen before popped up in my time line. Jimin, an art collector??? Apparently it’s true, somebody from a podcast called Maebul Show confirmed that Jimin visits frequently art exhibitions and often buys art pieces.

Truly shocking right?? Not because Jimin is not the type of person who would buy art, don’t get me wrong. He is, he has an amazing taste and he is into collecting things, as we have seen with his watches. But it isn’t something expected if we take as reference the things we know about his apartment. In the live that he made for Jungkook’s birthday he let us see little glimpses of his home and honestly… is pretty simple and empty, almost like a model house. Of course we haven’t seen it all and he could have a lot of stuff in his room and the saloon, but even himself said it:

Where are all the stuff that he has been collecting this whole time?? His house should look something like RM’s home with paintings in the walls and works of art displayed around the house and it seems like this is not the case. It looks like he haven’t made the effort to decorate the house in a personal way or tried to make it feel more like home (pretty much like Jungkook in his current appartment). Even his parents said so.

Last year in the Festa dinner when everyone was describing their houses and commenting on the decoration styles he was awfully quiet. They didn’t comment anything about his home and no one said that he also collected art when it was commented that Namjoon’s house was like a museum. He was actually quite nervous picking at his nails and carefully observing the conversation. My favorite moment? When they started to tease Jungkook for having a lot of mattress around his house and they shared a knowing look. The way Jimin arched his eyebrow to Jungkook in that moment said it all.

Why would Jimin suddenly started to share more about his home when he has been super private the last two years to the point that he cropped photos of his tv or his pot when he uploaded on Weverse to avoid showing the countertop of his kitchen or any centimeter of his home??? Why this change? Why now? Strange.

Is he going to move out soon and he’s simply not caring that much anymore about his current house? Could be the answer.

We know for sure that somebody is moving out next year, someone whose new five-story house is to be completed early this new year (Jungkook’s current home contract ends around April and his new house is predicted to be finished around the firsts months of the year).

Is it possible that certain couple is going to live together again after the military service? Imagine them decorating their new home together again. *dreamy sight*

See you next time!

[marie-swriting]

New Future - Natasha Trace

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

Summary : After Natasha's last deployment, you hope your relationship won't go down again.

Warnings : angst, sad ending, maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 2.3k

French version

Song inspiration : It'll Be Okay by Shawn Mendes

Overexcited, you run and jump into Natasha’s arms, making her drop her bag at the same time. She chuckles before responding to your embrace. You press your lips on your girlfriend’s while keeping your arms wrapped around her neck. You hadn’t felt her lips for a month and two weeks. In other words, you missed them.

Natasha was deployed for a mission whose details are unknown to you. Furthermore, you couldn’t communicate as much as you wanted so you also missed her. Whilst you’re kissing passionately, you hear whistling around you.

“Get a room !” Hangman exclaims with humour.

To answer him, Natasha keeps kissing you and gives him the middle finger. He laughs and keeps walking with Bradley.

As soon as you break the embrace, Natasha takes your hand and picks up her bag and then you go to your car. On the way home, you let Natasha rest despite the fact you want to tell her everything she’s been missing. The smile on your lips can’t seem to go away as you’re so happy to have her back.

Once you arrive, you lightly shake Natasha, she wakes up, groggy, then you walk into your house which you’re still renovating. You bought it a month before she leaves.

You were going through a hard phase - it wasn’t the first one but it was the worst one for now - and you thought buying a property would help you get closer again. When you got the keys, it worked ; the joy of reaching another milestone and creating your own home gave you a little help.

Your relationship was hanging by a thread, not because you didn’t love each other anymore - quite the opposite, it just seemed there were some elements which weren’t working anymore, the main one being Natasha’s time-consuming job. Judging it was only a bad moment, you preferred to create a good one.

Unfortunately, Natasha didn’t have the time to renovate the house a lot. You had started the bedroom together, ripping the wallpaper off and starting the painting until she had to go. Meanwhile, you finished the room. Natasha hasn’t seen it.

So when you get home, you ask her to close her eyes and guide her to your shared bedroom. The second you’re there, you whisper in her ears that she can look. Opening her eyes, a big smile makes its way on her face. At first glance, there aren't any flaws - even if you know every spot you missed - and you built every piece of furniture you had picked together beforehand. You’re proud of your work.

“You nailed it ! It looks so good.” Natasha compliments, stunned.

“I’m happy you like it ! You better love your drawers, it was a real pain in the ass to build it.” you inform, pointing at the furniture in question. “There are also those frames I wanted to put on the walls but I thought it’d be better to wait for your return before making holes.”

While explaining, you walk to the spot between the drawer and the wall to take the four frames of the same size out. You put them on the floor so she can see the pictures. You made several photomontages on a website of your trips and more random moments together, like night outs at the Hard Deck, at the beach or in your old respective apartments. You show her where you thought would be best to hang them whilst she keeps admiring the pictures.

“I love it ! I had even forgotten some pics.” she exclaims, looking at a photo taken for your two years anniversary at a restaurant.

“That’s the reason why I developed them. So, what do you think ? I can make the holes ?” you question, impatient.

“Totally, it’ll be nice. We do it now ?”

“Don’t you want to rest ? We can do it tomorrow. They can wait one more day, it won’t make such a difference to them.” you laugh as you point to the objects and Natasha shakes her head.

“I have enough energy for this. However, after this, I’m taking a shower and we’re cuddling in bed.” she requires putting her hands on your hips.

“I’m gonna get the drill, then.”

You kiss her cheek then go to the guest room that is currently more of a storeroom than a bedroom and get the tools. Before leaving the room, you look at it fondly. When you bought the house, you both decided it would be the guest room until the moment you’d want a kid. You don’t know when, however it’s definitely in your plans. You both have a full idea of the future you want together.

It only takes you about ten minutes to drill the wall and hang the frames. Now, you feel like your bedroom is fully finished.

Natasha goes to take a shower while you empty her bag and do a load of laundry. Shortly after she’s done, you both lay down on the bed, Natasha finally discovering the comfort of this new mattress. Cuddling with each other, you talk ; you’re slowly stroking her hair, lulling her into sleep, thirty minutes later, her even breaths makes you understand she’s sleeping. Softly, you kiss the crown of her head. Unconsciously, Natasha gets closer to you. You wish you could put that moment on hold and stay in your bubble all your life.

Notwithstanding, this moment has to end. After a bit less than two weeks with Natasha next to you, waking up next to her, you feel the cold sheets and not the warmth of her body as you change position in your bed. You open one eye and find an empty spot. When you’re sure there is no one, you fully open your eyes and look at Natasha’s clock on her night stand. Seeing it’s seven o’clock, you know where she is. It’s not rare for her to be called early in the morning for a meeting or another assignment. Your proximity with TopGun is a blessing and a curse. She’s not far away if they need her and therefore, they call her a lot. You can’t help but feel annoyed by it, even if you know it’s not up to her.

When she gets back home during the evening, Natasha finds you in the living room, your nose stuck in the bookshelf’s instruction. Once she’s next to you, you turn your head to peck her lips. You’re about to go back to the building of the furniture when Natasha offers you a bunch of flowers, wishing to make up for her absence. You accept them gladly and you promise her you’re not mad at her. You put the flowers in a vase before going back to the living room.

Natasha takes a look at the almost-finished room. You only have the furniture for the TV left to build, if we forget about the one you’re currently doing. Since Natasha’s return, the renovations have been going faster. You finished the painting you had started before she came back. Quickly, Natasha takes off her shoes before helping you with the bookshelf. You ask her to hold the plank while you screw. Once you’re done, you take another screw when Natasha draws your attention.

“I have the information for my next deployment.”

“Oh ?” you exclaim, stopping in your tracks.

“I… I have to leave in three weeks.”

“You just came back.”

“I know but it’s urgent, it can’t wait.” Natasha explains, pursing her lips.

“And how long will it take ?” you question, playing with the screwdriver.

“Two months.” she informs before adding quickly : “I know it’s not ideal and you’ll have to keep doing the renovations alone but I promise, once I get back, I’ll try to have more days off.”

“It’s okay. It’s your job.” you reassure, taking her hand.

“I know, but we haven’t seen each other a lot recently.”

“We better make the best out of these three weeks then.” you smile.

Natasha kisses you, feeling better to know you’re not mad because of her news. Without waiting any longer, you go back to the building of the bookshelf whilst your mind is lost in your thoughts.

It doesn't matter if you’ve been with Natasha for two years, you still hate when she has to leave. You know your anxiety will be high and you’ll feel lonely. Furthermore, when she gets back, there’s always a moment to adapt before getting back to your old routine. You push all of these thoughts in the back of your mind, you have to enjoy Natasha’s presence whilst she’s here, and you get your focus back on the furniture.

However, the next weeks are not gentle with you. Natasha hasn’t even left yet nevertheless it’s close enough. Slowly, you went back to the phase you used to be when you bought your house. You’re close without really being it. She has to go to TopGun a lot and when she comes back, she doesn’t have a lot of energy to do anything. The rhythm of your renovation slowed down as well and you feel the gap between you getting deeper everyday. You should be happy to have Natasha by your side and yet, you’re gloomy. Furthermore, with Natasha, you’re talking less and less, despite your tries from the both of you. It’s as if you were becoming strangers.

You hate this situation. It’s not the first time it happens and you still don’t know what to do. You feel like everytime you find each other again, an external element sends you to the starting point again and the external element is often a deployment. The periods in which Natasha is not there are becoming heavier on you, in spite of yourself and it can be felt in your relationship. You spend your days looking for a solution. You love Natasha. There must be a solution to fix all of this. You don’t know which one ; even if a part of you thinks that, maybe, this time, there isn’t a solution. Just the thought of it makes you sick in your stomach. You try to forget about it.

A few days before she leaves, you tell yourself you can’t keep these thoughts for yourself. You have to talk about it with Natasha. Your relationship is going through a hard time, you need to talk about it in order to fix it. You can’t stay standing there without doing anything. Therefore, one evening, whilst you’re eating, you draw Natasha’s attention. She gives you an interrogative look, waiting for you to speak.

“We have to talk, Nat. And it’s serious.” you start with a soft voice.

“I wanted to talk to you, too.”

“So, you know just like I do we have to do something. We can’t stay like this. And as you’re leaving soon, we have to fix it.”

“I know.” she admits before staying silent. “I… I was thinking, maybe, I could ask to change jobs.”

“What ?”

“Yeah, like this, I wouldn’t have to leave as much.”

“But you love flying.” you exclaim, surprised.

“I love you more.”

“I can’t ask you to do that, Nat. You can’t give up on flying because of me. You will be miserable if you do and I won’t stand it.”

“Y/N, we have to face it, it’s not working anymore between us because I’m always leaving.” Natasha affirms, looking you in your eyes.

“Maybe we just need to find a better balance between our relationship and your deployment. We need a better routine.”

“We both know it’s not the solution. We tried several times and we always end up like this. It’s always temporary. This house is proof of it.” she says, showing the surroundings with her hands. “I really thought by moving in together, everything would be better because we would have our home and it’d be easier to see each other but it’s not the case.”

“I don’t want to break up.” you object, understand what she’s insinuating.

“Me neither but I know that, just like me, you thought about it too. Y/N, it’s okay.” Natasha reassures, putting her hand on top of yours.

“How can you say that ? I love you. I don’t want to lose you.” you whisper with a trembling voice.

“I don’t want to lose you either but if we can’t fix this then we won’t have any other choice. If we keep on trying, it might be worse. It’s okay if our relationship is not working anymore, we don’t have to fix it.”

“And what about the future we imagined together then ?” you ask, tearing up.

“It might not be meant to happen. Y/N, it’ll be okay. We’ll move on.” she states, her voice breaking at her last sentence.

“I don’t want to move on. I want to stay with you.”

Following your sentence, you burst into tears. Natasha’s tears start running down her cheeks as well before she stands up and comes next to you to take you in her arms. You hug each other while letting all of your sadness out. You stay in each other’s arms for quite some time. When you break the embrace, Natasha puts her hands on your cheeks and wipes them whilst yours are on her waist. She gives you a sympathetic smile, you don’t have the strength to give her one.

“I’m sorry.” you sigh.

“You don’t have to apologise.”

“I do.” you insist, “When we got together, I promised you I knew what I was getting myself into. I really thought our love would be stronger than that.”

“Love is not always enough, unfortunately.” she sobs. “Maybe, when we’ll be older,” she starts looking at you, “we’ll find each other and this time, it’ll work. Or maybe our love was only made to work in another universe. I will always love you either way. Never doubt it.”

“I will always love you either way, too.”

You look into each other’s eyes before kissing softly. In this last kiss, you share all the love you have along with your sadness. While you’re losing yourselves in your kiss, you feel everything you’ve been building and everything you’ve been dreaming to build fading to black. You both, now, have to imagine a whole new future without the other.

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

[bazzybelle]

Thank you @samsalami66 and @seiya-starsniper for the tag! I do like these questionnaire things. :)

Were you named after anyone?

I was. I was named after my grandmother. She has passed two months before I was born, and so I got her name.

Do you have kids?

God no... I used to want kids, but in recent years I think that was due to societal pressure to have a checklist completed by 35. Don't get me wrong, I love kids and interacting with them. But... to be someone who gets pregnant and raises them... I don't think that's something I want anymore. I'd rather be free to travel and write and babysit my friends' kids.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I mean I try to, but I'm never sure it comes off that way.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

I... don't know? Probably the way they act around others? Maybe their face? I never really paid attention to that.

What's your eye colour?

I wanna say Green... but like green on the inside with with brown circling it, and one eye is a little grey-er than the other? I can't decide if they're just green or hazel.

Scary movie or happy ending?

If it's WELL WRITTEN , I don't mind sad endings. There have been very good sad endings that I've read. I prefer happy endings though. And also... I can't do scary shit....

Any special talents?

According to my friends and family, I have a talent for baking, specifically gluten-free baking. My sibling is gluten-free and I apparently have been blessed with being able to make good gluten-free bakes.

What are your hobbies?

Writing, definitely... I also love building puzzles and baking. Does painting my nails count as a hobby? If I have the time, I'll sometimes attempt an art on my nails... but not often.

Have any pets?

Yes! I have a 9 year old black otter holland/mini lop bunny named Hades. He is the most floof and the most shapes.

What sport do you play/have you played?

I played Rugby in high school. And I loved it. I want to play it again, but I'm 36, out of shape and there doesn't seem to be a friendly rugby league in my area.

Also... the fact that I used to love tackling girls twice my size in high school... how the fuck was I SO convinced that I was straight?

How tall are you?

5'2" (SAM I AM TALLER THAN YOU!)

Favourite subject at school?

Hi, hello... I run a Historical AU fest for one of my fandoms... Clearly it's Math.

Dream job?

Owning a vineyard... Or owning and running a bookshop cafe that turns into a bookshop/gin bar at night. I'd have local artists and writers coming in to do open mics and readings. I'd have weekly write-ins and craft nights. It would be queer as all fuck and I'd love it. That's the dream life I want.

Tagging: @carryonsimoncarryonbaz @fight-surrender @amywaterwings @ninemagicks @aristocratic-otter @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @janimoon @mallory-x @windsweptinred @two-hands-toward-the-sun @messofthejess @garnetcapricorn @nausikaaa @namistrella @dsudis @hushed-chorus @zigzag-wanderer @raenestee @fleabagoftheendless @yellobb

[lorbanery]

I am a Sally Hansen hater. They put out some very cute nail polishes, but I've personally never met a Sally Hansen nail polish that ever actually dried.

But I saw these cute ass press on nails and I wanted a set for some photos I'm getting done and these were perfect. So I figured, what the hell? It's just plastic and super glue, even THEY couldn't fuck that up.

FORESHADOWING

Now, I've been applying press-ons all Pride month — this is my fourth set and third brand. So let's get it out of the way now: When I say these were a pain in the ass to get on? It's not just a skill issue. I know how to apply press-ons properly, I still consult the directions every time, and I've had a good amount of recent practice.

First things first, they call these "almond shaped", which you might agree with based on that top-down photo. But consider this from another angle:

Now, I don't have anything against claw nails. It's a very cool maximalist aesthetic that allows for a lot of artistic and style expression; and, let's be honest, it's a style that was created by Black women and femmes and the dislike of those kinds of nails is deeply rooted in misogynoir (that particular combination of sexism and racism that Black women experience). Besides, it's just created by the natural curve of the nail (or at least the curve of the false nails recreating the curve of the natural nail). But USUALLY you don't get that real claw look for AT LEAST another inch. I don't know why they have this extreme curve. For that matter, going back to the "almond shape"? Almonds aren't concave like the edge of these nails!

I know that's hard to achieve a perfect almond shape when you're doing it yourself. But I'm 87% sure these are molded, and also you are a MASSIVE manufacturer. You can afford to make nails that are ACTUALLY almond-shaped and not have this weird angle and concave edge that makes it look like I'm cosplaying an iguana.

Moving on. I have used press-on nails since the days you could only get semi-opaque white nails in square or oval shapes that required you to nail polish them yourself. I have NEVER found a press-on that was this cheap, flimsy plastic. Below are two comparison photos to show you how much they bend.

Onto the actual application. It is normal for some glue to seep out at the edges of the nail. It's even normal that, occasionally, your pressing down finger will get stuck to the press-on while the press-on didn't get stuck to your nail. But it happened for 8 out of 10 of these nails. All but the thumbs got a healthy, ugly coating of nail glue while I struggled through multiple attempts to get the press-ons to actually STICK TO MY NAIL.

Now, I will give SH this: I was able to wipe some acetone nail polish remover over them to remove most of the glue without straight up melting the plastic, or even losing the shiny finish. Which was inconceivable twenty years ago. I'm pretty sure that's one of the many reasons they started manufacturing them with colors and designs already on the nails. Because if you made a mistake while you were painting them yourself there was a high probability that the only remover you had on hand was acetone-based, so you were SOL.

So credit where credit is due, not only did these not melt, not only did they not lose their shine, I don't even see any evidence the design was affected in any way.

On the other hand I've never had this much leakage. Like, it was so bad that I, someone who had previously been under the impression that acetone was still a no-no for press-ons, broke out the acetone remover. And you can still see some of the leftover glue residue.

These nails are more expensive than Kiss nails but infinitely worse quality.

I guess we'll see how long the glue actually lasts, but I'm not holding my breath. I still have some leftover Kiss glue I could use instead, but honestly their glue is pretty shit too. Like not as bad as SH, but once the press-ons have lifted/popped off once, you'll get maybe a day out of the new glue application before they lift/pop off again. I wish I still had the OPI glue to use, but by the time I got frustrated enough with the Kiss glue, the OPI glue had leaked out and coated the whole applicator tip in semi-cured nail glue.

Anyway fuck Sally Hansen.

[siriannatan]

How to get fWhip to dress up - fWhipScott

I have no excuse. An idea along the lines of 'what if fWhip dresses up like stereotypical handsome vampire' came to my brain and this came out of it.

fWhip was fed up with everyone telling him to dress better ever since the stupid crown picked him as the new Lord Emperor. And it was only two months, meaning two dumb monthly meetings he hosted just so he doesn't look bad following Katherine in wearing the damn thing. Meaning Gem and Pearl invading his mansion and trying to force him I to the depths of his close he didn't visit since becoming the Count of Grimlands.

"If I dress up once will you two leave me alone?" He sighed the evening before the third meeting. 

"Fine, but only so you can see that it actually makes a difference with how others talk to you," Gem sighed as Peal almost dragged her out. fWhip just sighed. He loved his dear twin a lot but she could be a bit much. Especially when it came to how rulers from outside WRA saw fWhip.

With another sigh and almost full glass of wine he went deeper into his walk in closet than he did in years. Luckily his staff made sure, against his wishes, that everything in there actually fit him and wasn't from when he was twelve. Meaning he had no trouble finding a sufficiently elegant shirt, pants and fitting vest. Coat seemed like a bit too much. He also dug out shoes more elegant than his usual heavy work boots.

Sitting through having his hair styled properly was instantly worth it as he walked into the meeting room. Putting on his most annoyed expression.

All the jaws hit the floor and Gem beamed with joy at seeing her brother in something that actually fit him properly and looked nice at the same time. And his hair was properly brushed and tied together. And there was a dark purple ribbon in his hair, nicely matching his vest that together with his rather open dark gray shirt showed just enough to remain decet. And he had his nails painted and...

But Gem's unbridled glee wasn't the best reaction. 

The best was Scott freezing in panic as his face got more and more red. Quickly hiding it behind his fan and wafting himself faster as frost formed on his and Jimmy's glasses of water, and the windows behind them. Though that was barely visible wth the shutters closed tightly so fWhip doesn't burn in his own house.

"Don't get too used to this, it's damn uncomfortable," he grumbled while making his way to his seat. His shoes clicking on the floor being the only sound aside from Scott's fan.

Scott had no idea how he managed to get through the meeting. How any of them did quite honestly. Without it devolving into a discussion on where the hell was fWhip hiding this nice clothes and all this sex appeal he was radiating. He was maybe starting to understand all.the trashy vampire romance novels he read when he first realised he maybe liked fWhip a bit more than as just a strong ally.

And... Did his pants have to be so tight? Scott wondered, as Sausage' rattled on about some bandit's. The other members of WRA didn't seem as shocked by fWhip's appearance. But they knew him longer than Scott. He only jointed the alliance when Joey - and by extension Scott's traitorous older brother Xornoth - joined the Cod Alliance. Scott himself could not care less about some fish.

But he did care about the sexy vampire and his darkened, usually sky blue eyes. He had to be hungry. Likely having to sit through hi staff doing his hair and helping him get dressed properly. Fancy really looked good on him.

It looked so good on fWhip, Scott made up some stupid excuse to do with something his council was bothering him about to stay longer. It wasn't really an important or interesting to him matter but it worked. And he was now following a likely at least slightly hungry vampire to his private office where he usually dealt with matters do to with his allies.

"So, that tunnel you mentioned," fWhip started, leaning against his desk instead of sitting in his chair. It meant that there was no desk separating him from Scott.

Scott needed a second to remember what damn tunnel fWhip meant. "Ah. Yes. My council have been bothering me to ask if it'd be possible," he rambled, feeling more and more embarrassed. Avoiding looking directly at fWhip, especially since he decided to ditch his damn vest and indecent amount of his chest were on full view for Scott.

"Your council, you say. So you wanting to talk to me alone has nothing to do with how you were practically drooling over me that whole meeting?" fWhip hummed and suddenly, with far too much fluidity and grace was suddenly very much in Scott's personal space. Knee between the elf's legs. One hand gently guiding Scott to lok at him. Other helping him support himself but Scott was quite sure it was there just to cage him in. "So?" The vampire grinned, barely flashing his fangs.

"I... I tho... You look nice today..." Scott rambled, his gaze shifting to the crossbow mounted behind fWhip's desk. Anywhere that wasn't fWhip's face actually. "Not that you don't usually, you always do but especially today..." Scott mumbled and finally managed to make himself shut up.

"Nice you say?" fWhip hummed, his hand on Scott's chin gently moving to his shoulder but not for a second stopped touching him. "Push me away if it's too much," he said and started leaning in.

Scott was sure he was about to be bitten. And strangely since he's been sheltered his whole life, was excited by the thought. But that wasn't what fWhip had planned. 

He instead kissed Scott. Effectively stealing his first kiss. But the elven prince didn't mind. It felt nice even if he wasn't sure how it was supposed to feel. It certainly didn't feel like he imagined based on his books. No one in the books grabbed other by the shirt and pulled them closer as Scott did with fWhip. There was no sudden explosion of heat or feeling in his stomach. Just light tingling where fangs nicked his lips, not enough to draw blood. And the fWhip's neither cold nor warm lips, and...

And fWhip pulled back far too soon. Pushing Scott into the chair as he tried chasing his lips purely on instinct. "Careful darling, unlike me you need to breathe," fWhip chuckled as Scott realised he did indeed forget about that need of his. As the elf caught his breath he studied the vampire's face. He was as calm and collected as always, and the way he picked his lips had Scott blushing. 

"Can..." Scott started but stopped himself. How does one ask a vampire to bite them? 

"If you want more kisses we'll have to move somewhere else, somewhere where you won't be at risk of neck cramps," fWhip chuckled and to Scott's dismay left his personal space. He did not do anything to fix his shirt though.

"Oh... That was kind of my first kiss... But it's not what I meant to ask... Would you be willing to bite me?" He rambled out on almost single breath. He had no idea what had fWhip looking as shocked as he did and had no idea which would be better for him.

"I almost forgot how sheltered you were your whole life," fWhip groaned, once more leaning against his desk. "Ar you sure you want me to bite you?" Luckily he took a small mercy on Scott and did not mention the first fact...

"Yes," Scott nodded. He was quite curious how it'd feel.

fWhip nodded and led Scott to what turned out to be his bedroom. Or simply a room he rested in since vampires apparently need some rest from time to time...

Waking up in some amount of pain here and there in his body next to fWhip's almost motionless self was almost worth the talking to he got from his council. Or how Sausage and Pearl looked at him at the next WRA meeting. So what if he had to cover his neck from time to time? At least Gem was too happy with her brother dressing up nicer more often to notice...

[pruesgaultier]

started writing a clarissa x fem oc story because there’s a severe shortage of them and i really wanna post about it but i’m trying to finish at LEAST the first 3 parts before i post but i’m literally soooo excited about it therefore i’m still going to tell you all about it and hopefully i post sometime this month !

i headcanon clarissa as a lesbian so keep that in mind

also, it needs to be known that i know absolutely nothing about the books. i tried to read them but sophie is soooo fucking insufferable i don’t even think i made it to chapter 3, so anything i know is from the wikia page or whatever i remember about once upon a time…

her name is astraea vivienne ryder (more specifically, dovey-ryder or ryder-dovey bc they’re married but i can’t decide which one i like).

she’s black, — darkskin — tall about 5’10, 5’11. she has long black braids with curly ends and she wears white and orange. she also wears thick gold arm bands (as a nod to dovey) and other gold jewelry.

shes a lesbian. she’s occasionally wears suits. her favorite flower is the orange lily. her nails are sharp, but not long, and usually painted white or gold. she doesn’t wear white to balls because it feels to wedding like.

— clarissa’s nicknames for her are my star and vivi. her nicknames for clarissa are mon coeur (my heart in french) and mon âme (my soul in french)

— astraea and clarissa are about a year apart in age but graduated (they graduate in sge right?! i mean it is school…) at the same time.

— clarissa fell first; astraea fell harder. clarissa confessed first. astraea proposed first. in the school, they were roommates and of course roommates !

— i wrote her as a fairy godmother cause i think clarissa being with another fairy godmother is cute plus, i needed a reason for her to be gone and then come back and her being away in a story made sense.

— i haven’t decided if i have want to keep her as one. kinda wanted her to be a witch, but the name astraea comes from a greek goddess and im like “hm…maybe?” so yea kinda stuck on what she is exactly.

— she mainly teaches history however, she’s knowledgeable in many subjects and occasionally teaches different classes

— her other nicknames are rae (by emma and lesso) and lady a (by students she likes). everyone else calls her professor ryder.

— astraea and lesso are best friends... surprisingly. their friendship started because of a prank war between the two (lesso was pleasantly surprised that an ever was capable of such things). they then decided to help each other prank the others’ school. so astraea pranked the nevers and lesso pranked the evers…

— astraea and emma are really close friends. emma was often subjected to astraea’s many, many rants about how much she was in love with clarissa.

[seiya-starsniper]

tagged by @tj-dragonblade, I have NO IDEA how I missed this months ago but I found the email notification while I was cleaning out my inbox so. Better late than never 😅

Were you named after anyone? Not really, my mom wanted a biblical name for me, and so she picked one!

Do you have kids? Nope! Right now it's a big Maybe.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? I've never been sarcastic a single day in my life.

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Usually their clothes or accessories, I like being able to pick out bits of personality by how people like to dress. It's often a great conversation starter too (i.e - I love your nails, or oh I saw this band live x years ago).

What’s your eye colour? Brown! I still don't find it a terribly exciting eye color to have but it matches so many colors for eyeshadow so can't complain

Scary movie or happy ending? Hey, scary movies can have happy endings! I will say my taste for horror has gone down a lot though, I'm more likely than not to watch something with a happy ending.

Any special talents? Piano is the big one. I used to compete when I was younger, but haven't really kept up with it in adulthood. The muscle memory is still there though and it really helps with the writing.

What are your hobbies? I have so many! Writing fanfic is the main one right now, but I also love reading, painting my own nail tips, and I've recently gotten into needle felting.

Have any pets? Two old kitties! They are darlings and I love them.

What sport do you play/have you played? I've never been a sports kinda person, but I did play softball for like....two months in elementary school hahaha. It was also around that time I realized I needed glasses!

How tall are you? 4'11 / 150cm. I am a smol.

Favourite subject in school? English

Dream job? Something that lets me travel and do charity work! Alas that kind of work doesn't pay the bills.

tagging @bruce-wayne-simp @bazzybelle @tryan-a-bex @melodiousramblings @samsalami66 and anyone else who wants to do it!

[heartsopenminds]

I posted 2,448 times in 2022

51 posts created (2%)

2,397 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mrandmrlesterhowell

@deadandphilgames

@heartstopperdnp

@combeauferre

@silentdescant

I tagged 279 of my posts in 2022

#dnp - 43 posts

#ofmd - 36 posts

#heartstopper - 30 posts

#daniel howell - 15 posts

#phanfic - 15 posts

#heartstopper spoilers - 14 posts

#fic rec - 11 posts

#phanart - 6 posts

#phil lester - 4 posts

#gorgeous! - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#misread the artist name as penny lancaster and was like supporting artists is great but i dont think rod stewarts wife waa short of cash

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

youtube recommending ninety minutes of dan telling us about how shitty youtube can be, we love to see it

66 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

#4

words don’t come so easily

pairing: Dan Howell/Phil Lester

rating: general

tags: alternate universe, first meeting, artist phil lester

word count: 8019

summary:  When Dan agrees to be a celebrity guest on a reality show for artists, his only aim is to raise his profile a little and appease his agent.

That is, until he meets the artists who'll be painting his portrait, and one in particular catches his eye...

for @hiwatari​, sorry it’s been so delayed ❤️

~~~

thanks so much to @sainthelmine for this gorgeous art of dan viewing phil’s self portrait, it’s exactly what I’d imagined!

71 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#3

So we've had OFMD, Heartstopper and now Dan's back....2022 is officially the year of the queer, baby

160 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

#2

preshow hangout q+a! london 28 sept

I was at the show again tonight (I got to go on friday too!) and it was sooo good! I also got to go to the pre show hangout, so here’s some highlights from the q+a - putting under the cut as it’s v long and maybe a little spoilerish so....

- dan had lots of people he knows coming to the show tonight and was trying not to think about how how much ‘adult content’ there is and how they might react

- he had to remove some grandma jokes from the cardiff show because of the queen's funeral

- what disney prince would he bang? Immediate answer was the beast, then he clarified he meant in human form, then switched to aladdin

- people have mocked him for the fact that all he has in his rider is red bull, water and a banana (he reassured us this was not for sexual purposes)

- his feet smell like soap, but apparently americans have told him that's weird because everyone uses shower gel these days and soap is for medievel peasants

- he used to know how to do the dance to lucifer by shinee, and they're his number one all time group

- he thanked the person who wrote 'piss' on their piece of paper for bringing that over from instagram q+a’s

- the box where people post questions which is labelled ‘dan’s hole’ is now being referred to as ‘dan's slit’ because it’s a slot not a round hole

- the crew named the box dan's hole without consulting him and he's worried about getting it through customs to america

- the vip bags are meant to be an end of the world survival kit and you can use the bracelet as a weapon to fire at people's eyes and blind them

- there's lots of journalists coming to review the show tonight and Dan is worried they are all going to be bald white old heterosexual men and will think he’s just a woke child, but apparently if he wears nail varnish they'll suddenly realise he's gay and then whatever he says will be fine

- he said several times that we all have to make sure we cheer and look like we're enjoying the show so that the journalists will give him a good review

- his least favourite one direction solo music is liam payne’s

- the same person who asked that also asked for 'thoughts on’ daddy marx aka karl' and dan’s response was icon, legend, slay

- if phil were turned into a houseplant, dan wouldn't water him as he wouldn't deserve it because of how many plants he's killed

- dan thinks phil will live in filth for two months while he tours america and then do a panic clean 2 days before he gets back

- the person who asked them for a threesome was.....your mum

- corgi might win over shibe in the 'get a dog' discussion because shibes are apparently not very emotionally available

- someone said get one of each and Dan said he doesn't want to come home from tour and find two dog skeletons, so maybe that's a 2023 thing (!!)

- he emotionally vibes with the idea of becoming a cottagecore cat lady with 9 black cats

- his dream place to do a show would be in his house so he doesn't have to get dressed, so probably a livestream of him sleeping

- if he had to be a biscuit he'd be a hobnob - messy, large, circular and full of too much sugar

- fuck marry kill with mariokart characters - he'd marry then fuck then kill luigi

- he’s clueless about wine and never knows what to say when people ask him what his favourite red wine is

- phil only likes alcohol that tastes like ribena, and likes a nice gay rosé

- fave alcoholic drink - he said he's a gin girl because gin makes you cry and he's crying all the time on the inside so he's drawn to it on an emotional level

- someone asked how it felt to have turned an entire generation queer, and he laughed and apologised

- 'would you rather turn into sonic, godzilla or megamind every time you’re aroused?' dan’s response was sonic because whatever you're going to do, you can do it fast ‘time is money - spin on that, bitch!’

See the full post

216 notes - Posted September 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

so dan's spent two years writing his own non-youtuber au fic and trying to get youtube to help him make it

338 notes - Posted May 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[witchywriterlythings]

Something This Way Comes

Chapter Three: My Best Friend Has Been in Cahoots With My Mom

Despite originally trying to stay with Grover, his antsy behavior and panic over me dying was starting to give me an itchy feeling under my skin that meant my more…animalistic features were closer to the surface than usual. The final nail in the coffin was when Grover handed me a card for his "summer address" which was actually just the camp my mom refused to talk about too much. Maybe if I hadn’t ditched him, he would have simply talked to my mom. Maybe he would have told her I had to go to camp right away. 

I wasn’t going to wait to find out and the second he disappeared into the bathroom, I left the  station and hailed a cab with my address already on my tongue. The best part about New York cabbie drivers was that he didn’t even seem phased by the length or color of my nails when I passed him his payment, only telling me to keep them away from from his paint job. 

The shitty part about getting home as soon as I did was I was almost certain my mom wasn’t back yet and I would have to deal with Gabe. A word about my stepfather before you meet him, he is more of a monster than I am and that’s saying something. My mom married him when I was seven, after two years of him flirting with her constantly and trying to get her on dates, and for the first two months everything was great. There were two incomes suddenly so we moved to two bedroom apartment instead of my mom and I alternating sleeping on the couch because I would sleep on the floor next to her if she tried to give me the bed too often. Grocery runs happened more often, my clothes were from Kohl’s instead of thrift stores. And then one day he just…stopped pretending to be good to us. He started smoking in the apartment instead of just at work, started having poker tournaments and forcing my mom to cook for them. He started kicking me out and telling me to get a job even though there wasn’t much an eight year old could do to get money. 

Anything I earned walking dogs or babysitting the neighbors kids went into the grocery fund or Gabe’s poker games anyway. 

Take what happened when I walked in our front door for example. No ‘hello’or ‘you’re back’, just Gabe demanding what was left of my money. It was a miracle he could do that math at all. "Best stick to your room, brain boy, your report card came in."

"I hope you lose," I growled as I carried my stuff back to where I would be sleeping. It wasn’t really my room because I never actually stayed for the school year. Mom didn’t want me around Gabe too much and thought it would be better if I was at a boarding school where my dad’s world couldn’t find me as easily. It also wasn’t really my room because Gabe used it as an "office" and threw his stuff everywhere, with his muddy boots on the windowsill and an old cigar on the dresser. 

The itch under my skin grew worse as I stared at that cigar, perfect circles matching it burning on my hip where Gabe liked to put them out. Any time I lost control around him, his sneers of freak and monster child were nothing compared to what he would do with his fists. I didn’t dare tell my mom though, better me than her. 

"Percy?" And suddenly I could breathe as my mom rounded the corner into the room, still dressed in her candy store uniform and smelling like sugar and salt. "Oh baby, I’m so glad you’re home. You’ve gotten taller since Christmas, how is that possible?" She reached out to hug me, wrapping me against her like she could protect me from the world like this. I mean, I really wouldn’t doubt Sally Jackson. She could do anything. "Are you okay? I’m sorry I took so long getting home, a customer came in right as we closed. How was your semester? How is Grover?"

I laughed wetly into her embrace and tried to bury myself further. I really, really, missed her and didn’t even want to pretend otherwise. "So much happened, Mom, I don’t know where to start." I let her shuffle us over to the bed and sit herself across from me with her always patient expression. "My math  teacher? The one I told you about? Well she finally got around to attacking…" And I explained. I told her about fighting Mrs. Dodds in the museum, how Mr. Brunner tried to come help me, the weird conversation I overheard between Grover and him towards the end of the year. I didn't bother telling her how scared I was because one of the best things about my mom was that she always understood. I just sort of trickled off eventually and looked at my hands. "This means I have to leave now, doesn't it?" 

Her arms were warm where they wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me towards her, her hands letting me hair gently. She didn't deny the inevitable, didn't try to give me false hope. But she did make everything better. "We're going to Montauk this weekend, so it can be just the two of us." The until you have to leave went unsaid, but the tears building up in her eyes didn't seem to to get the memo. She brushed them away quickly and gave me a big smile. "I'll even let you go fishing if you want!" 

My legs started bouncing as excitement swam through my veins and I was sure I was grinning stupidly. Normally I wouldn't be allowed to fish at Montauk because of all the people, but with how cold it was sure to still be no one but me would want to swim. "Thanks mom!" 

Of course Gabe had to barge in and ruin the moment. He leaned against the door frame in a way that his body took up the whole thing and he leaned forward as if to try intimidating us. I held back a snarl at the show, mostly because my mom grabbed my hand. "Bean dip, Sally, didn’t you here me? You can’t expect my friends and I to go hungry." 

"Don’t worry, I’ll make you seven layer bean dip, enough to last the whole weekend!" Normally my mom smelled like caramel taffy with a hint of sea salt, maybe spices or meats if she had just been cooking. But whenever she looked at Gabe, just for a second, something bitter slipped through that let me know she was afraid. "Remember, we’re going to Montauk before he goes to his summer camp, remember?" 

"You were serious about that? Who’s paying for this, exactly?" Gabe’s beetle eyes glared down at us and my nailbeds started to itch as I longed to sink my claws into him. Normally I would use my teeth, but I refuse to get to close enough to him for that. 

My mom didn’t even flinch despite me squeezing her hand. "I’ve been saving up for it, don’t worry. And I already stocked the fridge with all your favorite foods and enough beer for you and your friends. You won’t have to worry about a thing." 

Gabe huffed but at least stopped leaning so far into my room. "Maybe if the smartass apologizes for interupting my poker game, and running his mouth." He crossed his arms as if he could make himself look bigger in any other way than a roaring beer belly. 

I opened my mouth to snap at him but my mom gave me a pleading expression, begging me to hold off until it was too late to stop us. "I’m sorry I interrupted your very important poker game, please go back to it right now." I watched him narrow his eyes as if trying to figure out my sarcasm, but he just huffed and left us alone with only a "whatever" thrown over his shoulder. 

My mom let go of my hand to reach up and pet my hair, smiling softly. "Thank you baby. You won’t have to see him at all after this if you don’t want to." The tears in her eyes said I probably wouldn’t be able to see her no matter what, but I wanted to pretend for a little bit longer. "Let’s get you ready for camp, yeah?" 

We made quick work organizing all of my stuff, with my mom throwing in a few pictures and some of her things that she wanted me to have. It felt like a goodbye even if I wasn’t leaving yet and I wanted to curl up into a ball on the bed while she held me. But I stayed strong, she need me afterall, and we quickly made our way to the car. 

"Not a scratch on it, do you hear me, brain boy? And I want it clean, no tracking sand onto my seats," Gabe said as my mom put our stuff away in the trunk. His grip on my arm was bruisng and I knew if a pigeon or seagull so much as shit on his paint job, he’d blame me. Not like I’d be driving, amyway, I was twelve, but he wasn’t exactly a logic person. 

I wrenched my arm away from him without a word when my mom came back around the car, standing by my door while I waited for her to get in too. Something ugly, uglier than my stepfather, curled up in my belly when I saw him reach for my mother when she said goodbye and I noticed her tense. I was leaving anyway, so I growled lowly and bared my teeth at him when he turned to glare at me. I don’t know what he saw in my face, but he didn’t try to kiss my mom again and shot back into the building. 

"Percy," my mom sighed, but I could tell she was glad I did it even if she didn’t want me to know. 

The closer we got to the ocean, the more my mother’s eyes changed to reflect the water and I could feel mine do the same. Something inside me let up when I was near the water, as if I could breathe easier with salt in the air and sand beneath my toes. I never wore shoes on the beach even though it tracked sand into our cabin, but I learned to do it from my mom so I don’t think she minds too much. 

As soon as we reached the cabin, we started our routine of airing it out and brushing away cobwebs. The floorboards creaked, the mattresses were too hard, and the shower water ran cold. It was one of my favorite places on earth and felt more like home than our apartment in the city. We unpacked only a little, just enough to be able to get ready for bed later and to have a campfire out on the sand with hotdogs and marshmallows. 

"I can see you thinking," my mom teased as she leaned back on her hands. We each had a beach towel underneath us and bellies full, which was usually when I would start to ask her questions about things. "What do you want to know, baby?" 

I didn’t dare ask about my dad, not this close to his domain. Asking meant pretty faces in the water that giggled at me and braided my hair with seaweed and shells, asking meant fish pooling at our feet in the waves to check on us, asking meant the attention of him. My mom has never said who my father is, never told me his name, but I can guess. Earthshaker, Encircler of the Earth. Latin gave me one of his names, the Roman one, but the name that stood out to me the most was father of monsters. 

So I shrugged. "Can you tell me about the ocean again?" She smiled as she hummed in thought. On her break from work, she liked to go to the library near by and browse through the books. "Did you know the ocean acts like the heart of the world? The currents are like our veins, bringing life to everything, and regulating it’s temperature. This planet could survive without land, but it was born as an endless sea." She leaned forward to grab another jelly bean and taking some time to think. "Do you remember the pink lake I told you about?"

"The one that turns animals to stone!" I couldn’t remember what it was called, but I knew that it related to one of the old stories. "Do you think if we went, our eyes would turn pink?"

My mom laughed, her eyes crinkling in the corners. "I don’t know baby, but I would love to find out. Would you want to go when the flamingoes are there or no?" She laughed again when I made a face, I wasn’t the biggest fan of birds and she knew it. "It’s getting late."

"Can I go for a swim before we go to bed? Please?" I tried my best pouty expression but she was immune to my powers and shook her head. I huffed when she reminded me that I wasn’t supposed to swim at night but relented to helping her pack up. "Tomorrow?" 

"Tomorrow," she promised. 

Almost as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was in a dream. Warriors bathed in golden blood with swords pressed perilously close to flesh, legs scratched with sand as the waves lapped at the ground behind them. 

I wiped the rain from my eyes as I tried to get closer, screaming for them to stop. As I got closer, the one on the left started flickering between different forms. Too fast to capture as I pushed against the shifting sands, but I could have sworn at one point his sword was actually claws. 

BOOM! I woke up to the sound of a thunderclap right outside our cabin, shaking the walls while rain tinged off the glass. My mom bolted upright in her bed, eyes wide as she stared at nothing and whispered, "hurricane." It shouldn’t have been possible, we didn’t get storms this bad until closer to august, but it seemed the king and my dad didn’t care about weather patterns. 

KNOCK! KNOCK! "Let me in! It’s right behind me!" With the smell of rain in my nose, it took me a second to place who was at the door but the second I realized it was Grover, I threw it open. "Di immortales! We have to go!" He had stopped pretending to be human, his legs covered in shaggy brown fur plastered down with the rain. 

I stood there frozen for a second despite being prepared for this as my mom started packing up what little we had taken out of our bags. We’d packed for me to leave afterall, or more accurately, not unpacked any of my stuff from Yancy. I caught the backpack my mom threw at me with ease, slipping it on even as I could feel my expression remaining blank. 

She leaned down to look me in the eye, fighting back years as she pulled our suitcase and duffles behind her. "Baby, we need to go. They’re starting to realize what you are,  we have to get to camp, okay? Get to the car."

I nodded against the hand she put on my cheek and grabbed one of the bags and Grover’s hand before running for the car. This close to him, I could see how confused he was by our easy acceptance, but he had the good sense not to question it until we got to the car. 

<Prev Master Post Next>

[annieintheaair]

Just know you're not alone, cause I'm gonna make this place your home

I recently wrote here about how you are never alone. No matter what you're going through, someone else is also going through something, whether similar to you or something entirely different. Everyone is dealing with something.

When I went to students last week, I knew I was there for a reason, even though I couldn't stay the whole time because of work. Within the first five minutes, it all made sense why God told me I had to be there that night. I felt comfort in knowing that even though it made me sad to hear that others were having a rough start to the year, I knew that I wasn't alone in that struggle.

While last year felt like there was too much water in my life... rain, car flooding, non-stop watering the lawn... the beginning of this year has felt like there is suddenly a shortage of water. After the major temperature drop this weekend, I got home on Tuesday morning to find that I had no water in my house. My pipes were frozen. Despite my best efforts to avoid that type of situation, they froze anyway. The city came out and dug up my front lawn and torched my pipes hoping to fix it. No luck. Instead, I drove to H-E-B and bought a ton of water, and sure enough, shortly after I got home the water was back on. I wasn't in the clear though. Wednesday morning I got home from work and the water was gone, yet again.

It's only January and I'm already dreading the rest of these winter months, praying that my pipes won't freeze again. It's times like this when I really miss townhouse life. These things don't happen in a townhouse when you're attached to other houses.

The end of this month marks eight full months since I officially moved into this house. I was nervous about moving here. I remember doing a walk-through with my realtor before closing and crying to her that I was so scared of this not being the right decision. Despite my fears, I moved here anyway. I prayed that it would all make sense and I'd love it here. Instead, my first week of living here, I lost my dream car due to high flood waters. Even after the rough start though, I tried hard to make this place home.

I began getting new furniture, settling in, and putting things away. I told my therapist that I felt like once I unpacked my boxes and got organized, I was sure that I would feel better and more at home. I opened the doors to my office, unpacked the boxes, put things away, decorated, hung things on the walls, organized my clothes in boxes under my bed, and even painted the front door. I found some yoga classes to go to and at first, felt like I'd never feel like I belonged but within a couple of months, they finally knew my name there and I felt like I had a yoga home in my new area. Even though I was back doing yoga, the community was different. I couldn't help but compare that there was no social aspect or making friends in this new place.

I tried to find a nail salon, which has been ok when I don't have any other options. I found a new Trader Joe's, Whole Foods, Central Market, and more. However, everything seemed to become a chore-- constantly driving 20+ minutes to go anywhere. I tried to find a church but never felt welcome or at home. I started comparing everything to what I had known for the past 8+ years.

The truth is the conveniences that I knew where I lived before no longer existed in this new place. I found the traffic to be a total pain and above everything else, I began to feel more lonely than I felt when I first moved to Texas 9 years ago. Even though I feel like I never leave my house during the week except to go to work or maybe yoga, somehow (with inflation being an issue, too), my expenses got higher than ever before. No matter how much I've tried to cut back on things and save, I still feel like it's a daily struggle. We haven't had a raise at work in over five years and working more just isn't an option when I have two jobs.

I really had high hopes for moving here. I thought that I'd get to see my friend (who convinced me to move here) more often but instead, I have seen her less than I did when I lived an hour away. It's like we're not even friends anymore. I feel like living here has separated me from all of the good things that I have in my life and has created a lot of tension with my mom. No matter how many times I apologize, I feel like she will never forgive me for the mistake that was them buying this house.

I didn't know that I would hate it here so much or be so sad and lonely. I didn't know that the pipes would freeze or the lawn would be filled with weeds. I didn't know that the traffic would be so awful. I had no idea that no matter what I did, I'd just never feel at home here. I wanted to love it, I really did, and I hate that I feel so guilty that I don't. I know my parents meant well and wanted to help me and I appreciate that but I can't help how I feel now and I couldn't have predicted the future.

I scrolled back in my iPhone photos to look at this time last year. I knew I would be moving in a few months and was looking at places to go-- tossing back and forth the idea of renting a new apartment or my parents buying a place for me to rent from them. Despite all of the stress and work involved in the process, I was still happy. I truly loved my life. My mom says she just wants me to be happy but I feel like she will forever hold it against me for not staying here longer; for wanting to run back to my old life.

The thing is, for a long time my life was all about change. I moved a lot. I never felt truly at home anywhere until I lived in my old house for four years. It was the longest I had ever lived anywhere (as an adult). For months, I talked it out with my therapist about how I felt broken for being forced to move. I loved my house so much. I loved my neighborhood and everything about my life. If I could have frozen time, I would have stayed there forever. I hoped that the next person would love my house as much as I did. I felt so comfortable there that for the first time, I was actually afraid of change but yet felt like there was somehow too much stability in my life and I needed to embrace change.

All of that was short-lived. House after house that my parents made offers on and didn't get, I started to feel like it was a sign that I wasn't meant to be there anymore. I felt like a kid in a toy store, kicking and screaming over being forced to leave.

I really tried to look at the bright side of things. Summer was rough not having a pool to swim in when it was over 100 degrees. I stayed indoors in the a/c except to go outside and move the hoses around to water the lawn three times every day. Even though it was hot outside and yoga classes were also hot, I went anyway. I even found a local lady to help me with my dogs when I need a drop-in visit when I'm at work. I'm grateful that I found her but my dogs and I both miss our sitter back in my old town. I thought I could embrace this new life but also still hold onto my old life, and in some ways, I have managed to do that.

As it turns out, we all make mistakes. We all make choices that sometimes we regret. If I could go back a year to when this picture was taken, I'd change a lot of things, even if it meant that I had to get rid of everything and move to a studio apartment. Even though I felt like I was losing my home back then, I still had so much to be thankful for at the time. I'm still thankful for those things that I still have and even though I hate to admit it and my parents may never let me live this down, I'm thankful for this decision that made me realize where I truly belong and what's most important in my life. Sometimes it takes losing things to really appreciate everything.

I pray that next year, I'll be writing here, reflecting again, that I'm so happy for the choices that I made that brought me back home.

xoxo

Annie

Kirby and I - January 19th, 2023 - At our old house.

[wanderingpages]

Chapter 6??? Already?????  Im gonna cry…but also i trust you peach…not to leave this on hiatus indefinitely ahem 🥰😛

“when it started as a tease, but he kept quiet after seeing the panic and distraught look on my face.” aww he eased up that day… i love the small tidbits we get from that day ngl its like a little puzzle fr

“Like I had wished back then, I wish now to open the car door and fling myself into oncoming traffic.” omg Jude, no!

I love that he just lets her fuck around and be nosy with his car like thats couple behaviour sir u better stop before i propose.

“One is shaped like a curved hardware nail, the other like a star with a pearl dangling from it. ” curved nail - girl he got cartier just layin in his car??? ( i got side tracked and tried to google the other earring bye i know that bitch not from target) wait omg 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 he said u like em? Keep em 😌😌😌😌 and she said bet

Aww jude said fuck the money - you literally lived this close to me for HOW long????? Noooo this is so sad like what if they really had met before asha and madoc???? Like whattttttttttt naurrrrrrrrrr i am so sad about this new set of information 

🙈🙈🙈 anyways damn whats up w asha treating cardan like glass or smthn feels fishy 😠👀 (Trust NO one ..Not even YOURSELF) god my skin has goosebumps like jude is really calling him dad and cardan really calling her mother and those two are really married and yall kids is finger poppin each other in diners like wow. I forgot this was tagged taboo lol u got me there peach… we love sinning and being sinners 👁️👄👁️

“If I think about it too much now, I’ll see the erratic behavior for what it is and maybe stuff Cardan has told me before, about how unfit his mother was, would start to make sense. But it was her way of coping, which is no worse than my scarred fingers or my willfully ignorant father.” — ohhh not her her just slipping in her madoc being a dick right here.

Goddamn  asha’s betty homemeaker getup grinds my gears i know shes hiding something!!! If cardan dont trust her neither do i !!!!!!!

Wait shut up peach not the three stuffies she had in the books awwwww i love all the easter eggs 🥰

Oh wow asha keeping cardans room like a shrine is insane considering this is the first time hes stepped foot in this house (hot girl math time ) one year since the wedding, one year of engagement and im just gonna assume one year of dating, so 3 years abd this si the first time mans is stepping foot in the house wow. Peach i think Asha might be delulu. 

GIRL NOT THE BIBLE IN THE DRAWER LMAO

Peach is it the same cross from the dressing room thats in their kitchen?? Peach… peach. lmao

Damn not cardan doing a jumpscare, sir it is 3 am (Im lying idk what time it is but for my own headcannon it is 3am)

“His thumb reaches towards me, and he swipes down the corner of my lips, rubbing away the smear of red and brown, making my knees feel weak because suddenly, I'm in that booth at the diner again and I want him to paint me as red as those cherries.” - stoppp peach…. Your writing…. Ugh

“I stick my middle finger up at his back, annoyed that he can switch his emotions around so easily, annoyed that he plays this game better than I do, annoyed that I had even given him the green light so many months ago, thinking I could best him somehow.” - omg i … TEA🤪

Omg i love her friendship with Vivienne bless her

“At the end of the day, Asha isn’t my mom, but she’s done more for me in three years than my real mom has done in five.” first, my hot girl math was right!!! Im so slay for that fr! But second TEA but i knew . cus i read between th e lines. I pick up what u put down. 😌😌

““Don’t ‘what’ me – the car ride, you dick,” Vivienne huffs and it’s funny, so I can’t help but giggle. “With Mr. Oh-no-step-bro-I’m-stuck-under-a-table,” She elaborates. “Dude… I can’t help but live vicariously through you right now – like are you guys fucking? In the same house your parents are fucking? That’s so gross,” She snorts, and I make a face.” I SCREAMED! ALSO JUDE UR A LIAR TO SAY NO ONE IS FUCKING ANYONE cus … YET OK YET

““Just be safe, ‘cus it’s going to be super weird when Jude Jr. pops out and you have to explain that her daddy is also her uncle.”” - so vivienne is my everything absolutely unconditionally 

Aww babygirls a runner shes a trackstar 🥰🥰 i also like this tidbit of character. Send that bitch to the olympics peach

Oh mentions of Fand…foreshadow? 

Jude being sad about her fingers 😔😔😔😔 baby….baby gurl….

“Therapy might help, but Dad is against it. I guess he doesn’t want to know what the root cause of it is – doesn’t want it said out loud, at least.” oh its on site madoc… ON SITE ACROSS EVERY UNIVERSE 

“Why had I put myself through torture to steer clear of him when I feel so at peace now next to him?” – girl we wondering the same things fr twins.

““Why is it that we live together now, and I see less of you? Are you avoiding me?”” – hes so blunt about everything involving her lmao its truly incredible

“”I am. Avoiding you. My heart beats faster around you. My palms get clammy and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. It hurts to breathe sometimes,” I explain my anxiety, twisting the joint to read the words, wondering if it says something profound. “Can’t mean anything good,” I mumble. “It’s like walking across a narrow bridge with nothing beneath to catch my fall.”” – I GOT THIS REFERENCe !! – “ “Are you scared of me, dear sister?” ” AHHHH

““I think you’re prettiest when you're honest.” Cardan reaches his hand to ruffle my hair. I try to bat it away, but his fingers dig in a little tighter, weaving through and under the bun I’ve haphazardly attempted earlier. He doesn’t really need to tilt my head to face him, I do it for him. If the stars are bright tonight, his eyes are even brighter. “I’m not avoiding you,” he tells me after a long while. “And you’re not, by the way,” he is so close to me now, that our breaths mingle and turn to fog between us, “Out of my system, I mean.” My eyes widened at the answer to my question that seemed like eons ago. He releases my hair and tweaks my nose almost affectionately. He takes the roll from my fingers, but I catch a few words where our fingers touch, morbidly reminding me of Michelangelo’s The Creation of Adam.” – THIS IS SO GOOD EVERYTHING THE HAIR THE HONEST LINE THE FACE TILT THE STARS THE ANSWER THE CREATION OF ADAM!!!

Shut up omg she said you cant smoke bible pages and i had to reread the last two lines bc “Oh my god!” and him responding “Yeah, i guess so” is INSANE WHAT

BIG G???  - 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 hell. Thats were were headed.

Stop the nose kiss???? Freckle under the eye?? Putting the joint in her mouth the moment she breathes in lmao hes a whole clown and im the circus w how much i want him in me 🙈

““Something in Proverbs. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk… far… from your… lips.”/ “God, you’re sick,” I tell him. “Jesus, Cardan,” I manage; I feel unnerved and his lack of reaction makes me feel like I’m going crazy.” - peach i am actually going into cardiac arrest oh my god why are they so unserious 

“You’re a fucking menace,” I mutter. ” – she says wstill pulling him into her room girl u just as delulu ❤️❤️❤️

Also… hush,hush ref? : “id love to hear you scream.”/ “I dont scream” like so patch and nora coded fr 

Lol him being nosy in her room but her reaction being nervous while when she was in his car doing the same thing he was like so blase about it lmao the duality… beautiful. Also he totally just wanted to smell like her. Bet hes never washing that shirt now, weed scent and all 😌

Lol not jude comparing her fear of the exorcist to her anxiety around cardan and realizing her fear of the movie is UNPLEASANT as opposed to how she feels w her big step bro 🥺🤪

I love him playing with her hair yOUR HONOR HES IN LOVE also “I can have you screaming in other ways” SIR THIS IS A WENDYS (ur parents house!!!??)

Omg not her saying fuck off but the getting on top of him, judes so real for this

God not him being a lagged and high and groggy and just letting her have her way with him!!!

““What if,” I continue, softly, “I want to make you scream?”” BITCH ME!! IM SCREAMING ME ITS ME!!

““Look at you,” I say in a hushed tone as our fingers interlace. ” - SKIP THE APPLICATION INTERVIEW SWEET LIKE MARABU

““Look at my big brother,” I bite down on his earlobe, tugging the metal loop he’d left in tonight. “So needy…and …all… for… me.”” JUDE !!! MAAM!!! ….do continue😃

Lol not him being fixated on her not telling him that she missed him before lmao boy!!

You know dry humping shouldnt even be called dry humping if we out here getting WET

Oh my god peaccchhhh pls foreplay shouldnt be this hot im sweating (I am under three blankets)

NOOOO THAT WAS THE END???

Ok I lied THIS might be the longest ask 😭

lol no not a long hiatus, I do have a substantial amount written, I just am not in the mood to edit/rewrite these days 😔

lol other earring is Dior 🤭

Actually her rummaging through his car was so I could highlight the lighter and rolling paper so ur not toooo bamboozled when he’s smoking a joint on the roof 😭

U know my friend said the same thing about them living so close, I didn’t realize how heartbreaking that sentiment actually is 😭

Lmao not finger poppin 😭😭😭 but yes this is in fact a taboo fic 🤭

Anyways no that’s not the same cross 💀 yess those are the same stuffies lol, your hot girl math was totally right, viv is my fave too lol

Sending Jude to the Olympics is a completely different book now 😭

I wouldn’t call fand a foreshadow but more like a set up, so it doesn’t feel left field when she’s actually introduced

The creation of Adam was insane of me next to the Bible blunts 😭😭 I am going to burn in hell

Lmao not the circus bye

Yes!! Hush hush ref lmao you got all my references ❤️❤️❤️❤️

lol Jude comparing her actual fear w her preconceived fear is when it hit her sense ass fr

🎶give me a call if you ever get lonelyyyy ill be like one of your girls or your homies🎵 (i love troye and he fed the blue neighbourhood girlies with that)

Anyway yes thats it for now 😭 thank you for your commentary it really made my whole week lol

[savannahsdeath]

Ellie with a fem reader girlfriend that loves to get her nails done ?

ELLIE WILLIAMS X READER

mdni please<3

warnings: 18+!! please, kinda loser!ellie?

writers note: GUYSS ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY!!🗣️🗣️🗣️also im not a nail person so its just a bunch of thoughts i got about it🫣

you were sitting in the nail salon, just like evey month, pointlessly clicking something on your mobile with one hand while the manicurist worked on your other one. a soft glow emanated from the phone's screen as your fingers gently scrolled through the contents. the quiet humming from the nail salon's machinery provided a soothing background, and you let out a sigh as you glanced around the room. a few other women were scattered around, with their own manicurists tending to them. you caught sight of several painted designs in various colors on their nails.

the manicurist in question is a middle-aged woman with a kind and patient demeanor. she's not the most talkative, but she knows exactly how you like your nails done by now and that saved you some time.

you looked down at a text from ellie, asking you where you are. of course you warned her where you're going, but she never bothers to remember.

you could reply with a simple 'in the salon' message, but that wouldn't satisfy her. you could also add 'i will be home soon.' to alleviate her worries, but then she would respond with 'why aren't you home now?' so... maybe a creative approach is necessary.

you sighed and typed out a response; "i'm at the place you always forget about."

ellie's response came in mere seconds later.

"yeah, right." she replied. "sorry, remind me where you are again?"

you shook your head, this was a very common occurrence now. it was getting a bit annoying, to be honest. you knew she had good intentions, but her forgetfulness really tested your patience sometimes.

you typed out another response. "i'm at the nail salon. the same one i always go to."

instead of an answer you got a cash transfer from her with a title; 'just needed an excuse to text you'.

she may be your girlfriend for almost two years now, yet she was so bad at making small talks while not being face to face. it's not the first time she did something like that, she always explain it with 'it's a lot more important for me to have a conversation with you than to keep that $50'.

"can't you just... message me without any reason?" you always reply that.

and in answer to that, she just shrugs. So you spared her that question this day.

you texted her again, hoping she'll feel the slight taunting in your statement; "well played, ellie. i appreciate your honesty and free money".

as you sent the message, you were thinking about how this would likely play out. ellie had quite the prideful side to her. you knew she would take offense to your comment and send back a witty response in return.

sure enough, a few more seconds passed, and another text appeared, titled, "payback: i knew where you were the whole time".

you couldn't help but scoff and chuckle at ellie's response. she may be a bit forgetful at times, but she's very much aware of her situation now.

you typed out another text, still keeping up the playful banter with ellie. "mhm, i guess you're not so forgetful after all, huh?"

as if her pride was challenged by your words, ellie shot back quickly with another text. "no, i'm not. and to prove it, i remember all the embarrassing moments you've ever had".

oh, oh no. oh no no no. you immediately regretted having said those words. this could be very bad. you had no clue how ellie would respond, or the embarrassing moments she would bring up. maybe you were better off forgetting. time to change the subject. you sent another text to ellie, hoping to distract her. "how has your day been, ellie?"

ellie's response took a surprising turn. "it's been okay, but something you just reminded me of just made it great".

you wondered what ellie meant by that, and you couldn't help but simply ask her. you typed out; "what did i just remind you of?"

your heart started beating faster as you started to realize what ellie was going to say. you sent another text to ellie quickly. "don't, ellie. please don't say it".

ellie took what felt like an eternity to respond, probably fighting her cute and nice side. finally, her text response came in. "remember that time when we were in college..."

you felt your heart sink into your stomach as ellie's text completed itself. she remembered exactly what you were trying to forget. the memory came back to you, that humiliating moment from so long ago. your face flushed in embarrassment as you remembered what ellie was talking about, and you sent a quick text to ellie in response. "stop right there. i don't wanna hear it".

"oh, good to know that you do remember it" she answered, her message followed by a silly emoji she always uses ironically. she knew you felt the urge to throw your phone across the room eveytime you saw it.

you didn't have a proper response, so you decided to just take it all in with no protest. no point in making things worse by trying to prove otherwise. "yep. i remember."

ellie laughed softly behind her phone screen.

you typed out a text to ellie. "just wait till i get you back for this, els."

you were sure that ellie knew about the smirk on your face right now. she probably had one on her too. you couldn't help but wonder what your manicurist thinks you're doing.

"oh, you wouldn't want to mess with me now" ellie's another message appeared on your screen. "not when i'm so nice, waiting for you in the parking lot for half an hour now"

aw, that's so sweet.

but the realization hit you suddenly.

ellie was parked outside, just waiting for you. she must've known you were going here all along, and she just used her forgetfulness as an excuse to taunt you.

you typed out another quick text to ellie, while trying to not look suspicious at the nail salon. "be right out. and, ellie, i hate you"

your manicurist laughed softly as you quickly paid her (with money from el's transfer) and got up from your spot. ellie was outside, leaning against the side of her car, with a smug smile. you just rolled your eyes, and got into her car. she turned to look at you as she drove out of the parking lot, and said with a grin and a slight wag of her eyebrows. "so... remember when you..."

you quickly covered her mouth with one of your hands before she could say anything stupid. ellie, of course, struggled and tried to get her mouth free. she was much stronger so she pulled your hand away but didn't let go of it. instead, she started checking out every one of your nails.

you watched as ellie inspected your nails with her expert knowledge of nail care (feel my sarcasm). as she continued with this, you managed to get a hold of one of her hands. a quick struggle followed as ellie tried to regain control of it. you were just about to get in a full arm wrestling match when you both heard a loud honk from the car behind you. the driver was getting agitated with you for slowing down the traffic. ellie rolled her eyes and put both of her hands on the steering wheel.

you frowned, expecting some more reaction (compliments) from her. she paid for these, after all.

you waited nervously for ellie's reaction to the new designs on your nails, expecting some words of praise and such. instead, she just drove the car forward while glancing at your nails once in a while.

you looked at her confused, and asked a question while keeping an eye on the road. "ellie, don't you have anything to say about my nails?" her opinion was actually important to you.

after a few minutes of driving, ellie stopped at a red light. she glanced at your nails one last time, and finally responded. "they're great, as always. but why would you do these two in the same color and just change the shade?" she pointed at your pinky and middle finger. "it ruins the whole colorful conception."

you laughed, knowing she's no one to speak about 'conceptions', especially in the manicure world. "do you really not see a difference between pink and purple? it's two completely different colors."

ellie remained silent, looking at your nails. she then turned her eyes to you with a curious stare, before replying with a straight face. "pink and purple? these two colors are exactly the same, just a different shade."

you raised your eyebrow at ellie's response. "are you being serious right now? they are completely different, like blue and green" you pointed at them as you said that, trying to hold back your laughter.

ellie finally broke her straight face, as she too started chuckling. "i'm honestly jealous." she then added a little smirk as she spoke. "i have to keep my nails short for you."

you raised your eyebrow again, trying to understand what she meant by that. "for me?" you repeated back.

ellie nodded and gave you a sly smile, her eyes glowing while doing so. "yes. for you."

realization hit you, as you finally began to understand her response. your face flushed with embarrassment while you turned your gaze away from her.

ellie laughed at your visible embarrassment. she turned to you with a smug smile, not believing that she got you so red so easily.

you turned back towards ellie, who had just started talking. "your also won't survive for too long. not when they'll be digging into my skin every night." she teased, getting a little bit too enthusiastic with her response.

[erodasfishtacos]

#HendallReunited

prompt: request was to write broad but to write something angsty

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: language, sexual content, angst

Harry always had issues with saying ‘no’ to people. He never quite grew out of his manners even when he should have.

He said ‘yes’ to way too many things- signing autographs for rude fans and paparazzi, and agreed to way too many things Jeff suggested.

Saying yes to everything didn’t make his life any easier is the thing. Especially when it came to his wife. She was usually left with the aftermath of him being too nice.

The media painted Y/N in a negative light occasionally and so did the fans because she would stand up for Harry and not let him say ‘yes’ to every single request.

She would tell disrespectful fans he’s not signing autographs because of the way they were screaming and interrupting his work.

Harry wished he could do it himself - admired that his wife didn’t give a fuck what people thought about her. He cared entirely too much what the world would think.

The couple didn’t fight about much - no, not really. Normal couple stuff for the most part. But this was the exception, this is where Y/N found most of their turmoil.

Every few months it would rear it’s ugly head and they’d find themselves in the same position over and over again.

This time - it was really fucking bad.

The couple had been staying in their Los Angeles home for the last few months whilst the singer finalized his album and began promotion.

It was boring meeting among boring lunch outings to get all their ducks in a row. Jeff - his manager the main orchestrator.

He was a great manager and a good friend, but it was also business too which Harry didn’t always comprehend.

At the end of the day, Harry was making Jeff millions upon millions of dollars. But Harry didn’t think that way.

**

Harry was in a stuffy conference room at the The Late Late Show to work on the script and ideas for the show. Promo had been nonstop.

He was a bit tired as it was nearly just hitting eight in the morning and he had been up late with you - having some late night loving in the hot tub.

“As for guest - Kendall Jenner,” James Corden’s producer states. All the men agree but Harry is taken aback.

“Why...why would we have my ex-girlfriend as one of my guests?” Harry interrupts, confusion knitting his brows.

Kendall and him didn’t end on a bad note - not at all. They hooked up a few times after their ‘break-up’ but once he’d met Y/N she was understanding when he cut it off.

Y/N wasn’t necessarily jealous of the model, but didn’t love when they’d run into each other at events. She was still overtly flirty with Harry without much shame. 

Harry also didn’t have an desire to see her or host her as a guest on the show. She was nice but he wasn’t interested in being friends with her. They didn’t have much in common and he was head over heels for his wife.

“The media will eat it up, dude. Harry Styles and Kendall Jenner reunited on a show after four years?” Jeff smiles, the others nodding in amicable agreement.

This is one of this times where Harry needs to say “no,” that it’s disrespectful to his significant other to use an old flame for promo for his album.

He already knows ‘hendall’ will be trending within minutes and he can’t imagine how that would make his parter feel.

“I just...this doesn’t seem like a good idea?” Harry begins hesitantly, making it sound more like a question than a statement. 

“Why not?” Eric, one of the writers asks.

“Y’know, I’m married. I don’t think m’missus would appreciate if I did somethin’ like that just for promotion,” he states, scratching at his jaw uncomfortably.

“Look Styles, we’re not asking you to fuck the girl. It just a interview, c’mon,” The executive producer gruffs - wanting those guaranteed views.

Harry swallows - looking at his manager and then at everyone else at the table looking at him for an affirmative answer.

“Uh-sure,” Harry fumbles, feeling anxiety rise into his throat. Fuck, he’s such a god damn pushover.

He’s trying to find his voice to go back on his agreement but the meeting wrapping up and people are leaving with final handshakes.

**

Harry doesn’t know how to tell Y/N what is going on. He’d been keeping in stored in the back of his mind, not ready to have a blowout.

He never found the perfect time to bring it up and now it was too late. It was the morning of the show and he was due to be at the rehearsals this afternoon.

Harry had finally decided he was going to tell her this morning over coffee but forgot that she had a girl’s day planned with a few friends.

She was already out to breakfast with them when he woke up. His phone had one text from you.

Hi baby. I’m out with the girls. See you at the show tonight. I’ll meet you there around six! Love you!

He was fucked royally and he had no one to blame but himself. Maybe it’d be okay, maybe she’d roll her eyes and tell him he’s an idiot.

Realistically he knew that was just a sweet dream at this point.

—

Harry was fidgety and kept mucking up his lines during rehearsal as it got closer to the showtime and his missus arriving.

Kendall had arrived for hair and makeup without seeing her ex-boyfriend yet. He dreaded seeing the model.

Kendall and Y/N had met a few times at different events. It was always cordial. Kendall was always casual - their relationship was never more than a couple fun dates and sex.

They were kind to each other when they met but he couldn’t deny how much harder his partner kissed him on the mouth afterwards.

Before he know it, his wife is hugging him from behind as he talks to a producer about which cameras to look at.

Y/N noticed the way he tensed up at first and thought about how unusual that was for him. Normally, he’d lean back into her with his full weight causing them both to stumble and laugh.

He slowly, cautiously turns around and his face  relaxes a little bit but not completely. “Hi baby,” he hums, leaning in for a kiss.

“You look so handsome,” she replies, admiring his brown pinstriped suit and her pearl necklace that he’d snagged awhile back. She thought it looked better on him anyways.

“You look even better, s’fuckin’ pretty, love,” he gushes, coming back in for another kiss - a little too sensual for the setting.

She was donned in a cropped white shirt, showing of the smooth expanse of her tummy. An oversized blazer of Harry’s, ripped jeans, and heels. 

Harry thought fleetingly he couldn’t wait to fuck her after the show. Then remembered that mostly wouldn’t happen.

Reggie, the musical lead, slides up to you two. He smiles wide at you, saying, “Can’t believe you agreed to the guest this evening.”

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion, Harry’s raise nearly to his forehead, but when she opens her mouth to ask him to explain they’re interrupted.

“Harry!” The leggy model trots over to the little group. Dressed in an interesting one-piece suit that has sewn in heels. She looked beautiful as ever, of course she was a model.

Both of them turn towards the oblivious girl, “Kendall,” Harry replies with a twinge of anxiety - eyes repeatedly looking at his significant other’s profile as multiple emotions flash.

“Hiya, you’re Y/N right?” Kendall smiles kindly, offering her manicured hand.

She accepts, “Yeah, uh-good to see you again.”

Harry knew she had connected the dots quickly in her head. The hurt, confusion, had hit her eyes before narrowing into full-blown rage at her partner.

“I promise I’ll go easy on him,” Kendall jokes before pinching at Harry’s cheek teasingly. The model was a natural flirt with everyone she got along with.

“Oh, sure,” she replies lamely, attempting to not let her feelings burst out in that moment with her husband . She knew it wasn’t Kendall’s fault.

“I’m going to go grab a bite to eat. I’m probably gonna puke when we do ‘spill or fill’. See you guys soon,” the model waves before trailing off with her assistant.

“Did you kn- of course you knew she was your guest,” Y/N seethes, turning to fully face the guilt-stricken-singer.

He rubs the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact, “I did.”

“How long have you known for?” She demands to know, keeping her voice at an angry whisper to not draw attention.

Harry wasn’t going to lie to his love, “About two weeks.”

Y/N replies with a laugh, “let me guess, you let Jeffrey talk you into this bullshit, again.”

His silence is all she needs to know it’s true.

“For Christ’s sake, of course,” She huffs bitterly, “what’s even worse is you didn’t fucking tell me. What the fuck?”

Harry bites his lip, not able to rasp out anything but a pathetic, “m’sorry, love.”

He wasn’t usually good at taking responsibility during a fight. He was stubborn at best but he couldn’t deny his way out of this.

“You will be, you-“

They were cut off by the staff, the audience was trailing in and Harry needed to get mic’d up now.

“This conversation isn’t over,” she points her finger at his chest before storming off to the side of the stage where she’d watch from.

Fucking shit.

**

Harry was a performer. It’s easy for him to push things to the back of his mind so he can entertain a enamored audience.

But tonight, he was struggling. Eyes flicking over to the teleprompter more than usual, his demeanor not as vivid and carefree.

Not when his wife was glaring daggers at him from stage right. Her hand constantly at her mouth, biting at her nails - a nervous tick of hers.

“Next up, the one, the only, the beautiful model and one of my good friends, Kendall Jenner!” Harry introduces when she walks out and waves at the crowd.

They hug and when they pull apart they step over to where they were playing the game. Either answer the question or eat a nasty food picked out by the other.

They weren’t allowed to see each other’s questions before the game started- both going on blind which put Harry more on edge.

“Okay, Kendall. Rank the members of One Direction on most to least attractive or you will be eating...” Harry spins the table, “Cow tongue.”

She flinched at the disgusting plate, smirking up at Harry before considering her course of action, “I think I can answer this one.”

He wasn’t looking forward to her answer. Neither was Y/N by the way she nearly shaking her foot off her leg.

“Okay, I got this. You - the most attractive, then uh- Zayn....Louis...Niall...Liam,” she laughs, “but all of you are hot!”

Harry fake laughs and acts like he’s impressed by her answer as the crowd roars and cheers. 

When Kendall picks up her notecard - she laughs in surprise at the question before looking at him with bright eyes.

“Okay, um, bull penis!” She giggles before starting the question, “I’m dying to know this answer. So...your first album HS1 was released four years ago, correct?”

He nods, apprehensive.

“Which songs were about me? Especially was only angel?” She laughs at Harry’s pale expression before without another thought he shovels the rancid food into his mouth.

Harry looks off to the side to see that his missus is no longer sitting there. Just Jeff - who gives him a thumbs up.

**

The first thing he did when the show ended and the lights dimmed was bolt off to Jeff - ignoring Kendall who was about to say something to him.

“Where’d Y/N go?”

He thought she might have went out to get a breathe of fresh air but for the next hour and a half he hasn’t seen her once.

“She said she wasn’t feeling very good. She told me to tell you she’d meet you at home,” Jeff shrugs unbothered.

“Damnit!” Harry curses loudly, ripping out of the microphone and the little pack in his back waistband.

“Harry,” Jeff scolds at his unprofessionalism that was abnormal for him.

“No! Don’t fucking ever ask me to do shit like this again. You fucking knew what questions were on those notecards and you said it wasn’t anything about our previous relationship.”

“Harry-“

“Don’t fucking talk to me. You’re a real shit manager sometimes, you know that? Do not contact me tonight or tomorrow for that matter, you douchebag,” Harry barks before storming off towards the dressing rooms.

All the employees were standing around in shock, staring at the popstar as he ignored everyone around him.

Harry was famously known for being a kind, amicable guy. So it took everyone by surprise to hear him speak like that. Even Jeff was shaken up a little.

—

The house was pitch-black as Harry pulled up. The house’s first floor was lined with large, bay windows and not a single light was on.

He could find one room illuminated which was your bedroom. A dim side lamp must have been flicked on. He imagined her purposely turning off all the lights on the trek up the staircase.

Harry didn’t want to admit how much he was trembling with awful nerves and anticipation as he slowly turns the knob of the shared bedroom.

Y/N wasn’t laying in bed as he expected but found the bathroom door shut tightly. He noticed a little yellow bag with tissue paper off to the side by a dresser.

He knocks on the oak door, not daring to enter without permission.

“What do you want?” Y/N answers, tone flat and emotionless. 

“Can I come in, baby? Please...” He wasn’t ashamed to beg for forgiveness at this point. Hearing the emptiness in her tone scared him shitless.

“I really could care less,” She replies coldly from her spot in the scalding water decorated with bubbles.

Harry had never felt more unsure in his life as he enters the bathroom.  Y/N had gotten proper pissed at him or vice versa before - right before a concert, an award ceremony but she’d never left without him.

Her head was laying against the foam headrest and her body was covered by the soap water. She looked tired and her eyes were puffy from crying.

Harry kneels next to the tub, “look at me, please pet.”

 Y/N takes a moment before turning her head and opening her eyes. They were distant, disappointed in the man in front of her.

“I should have told you about Kendall. I should have put up more of a fight to get someone else on instead,” Harry admits, his hands desperately wanting to reach out for her.

She shakes her head with a heart-wrenching sniffle, “it’s not just tonight, Harry. We’ve had this conversation continuously for three and a half fucking years. You try to please everyone, despite them giving no fucks about you.”

“Are you that much of a pushover? You let your ex-girlfriend flirt with you in front of millions. Do you know how embarrassing and unfair that it to me?” She wipes at her eyes to stop the tears spilling over.

Harry hadn’t thought of it like that - to be honest. But he agrees, it wasn’t fair and downright cruel to do that to her.

What? All because he couldn’t say ‘no’ because he didn’t want people to be mad at him? It was pathetic and ridiculous.

“I-I won’t let it happen again, lovie. I mean it, I truly do,” Harry whimpers reaching over to cup her cheek and wants to cry when she pushes him away.

“You’re a broken record. You’ve said that a million times before but don’t change,”  Y/N points out, eyes boring furiously into his wife’s.

“I’m goi-“

She cuts him off with a sharp edge in her tone, “Just leave me alone, get out.”

The man’s face crumbles and for a second, she wants to just end the fight and makeup but then nothing would change.

“Baby-“

“Get out!” She finally bellows, tears streaming down her face steadily.

He obliges, head hung in defeat as he closes the door behind him. He stands there’s blankly for a second before going to the walk-in closet.

He’s pulling out a fresh pair of cotton underwear and a large sleepshirt for his partner, laying them neatly on the bed.

Harry doesn’t know what to do with himself while he waits so he pulls out his phone to mindlessly scroll.

He throws it against the wall when he sees #hendallreunited is trending number one on Twitter at the moment.

The singer strips down to his briefs and sits with his back against the tufted headboard, staring blankly at the wall.

His eyes catch a neon pink pair of his swimshorts tossed carelessly on the decorative vase in the corner of the room from the night before .

“Fuck, baby - no need to rush,” Harry groans into Y/N ‘s mouth as she pushes him until he’s sat on the edge of their California king.

She reaches impatiently for the tie on his neon pink swimshorts and yanks them off his slim, peach-fuzz thighs before throwing them onto the vase without a care that it was worth over twenty-thousand pounds.

After edging her in the hot tub with his fingers and mouth, she wasn’t waiting any longer before clambering onto his lap, pulling her swim bottoms to the side, and sinking onto him.

He felt guilty when his cock twitched at the thought of it. But when reality set back in, the arousal with the memory evaporated.

It isn’t much longer until the door is pulled open and  Y/N’s padding into the room with a towel secured around her.

She looks at the clothes Harry set out for her and pointedly walks past them to pick out her own nightwear. 

That really shouldn’t make his eyes tear up as he watches her slide on a similar pair of panties and an oversized shirt. Spotting a purpling bruise on her upper in thigh from his mouth.

 Y/N silently walks past the bed and to the bedroom door, looking back before bleakly stating, “I’m going to sleep in the guest room.”

He frowns, wrinkles appearing on his forehead, “You can sleep in here, love. I’ll take the guest room.”

Harry doesn’t get a reply as she just shakes her head and closes the door loudly behind her. 

It’s just - he’s never seen her this upset. She was usually fantastic at communicating her feelings and hashing things out.

She wasn’t one for the silent treatment or ignoring the topic. It had his chest rising faster than usual with anxiety. The serious of it overwhelming him.

He states at the wall for a very long time without wiping the fat tears brimming over his trembling lips.

*

He couldn’t sleep - it was half past three and he hadn’t even laid down or clicked off the lamp.

Harry accepted sleep wasn’t coming so he begins to tidy the already clean room. He picks up the shorts and tossing them in the hamper.

He refolds some joggers he’d carelessly shoved in a drawer and when he went to move the little yellow bag - curiosity got the best of him.

There was no card and he wasn’t sure who it was for or if it had been a gift already give to Y/N that she had returned home with.

Harry really shouldn’t - but he does. Gently tugging out the paper and reaching in to feel fabric.

Pulling it out, it takes him a minute to identify what it is - two baby onesie. Who was having a baby?

He lays them in front of him, eyes widening in surprise as he reads what is printed across the black cotton.

The first one was the colors and font of his upcoming tour merch with the photo he used on his tour announcement with the heeled boot and white pants.

Love on Tour - Due Date: September 2025

With Special Guest Appearance from Baby Styles

The second one was simple and read across the chest:

I’m having your baby (and it is your business) with embroidered kiwis all of over it.

He frantically reached back into the bag to pull out a bundle of pregnancy tests tied with a silk bow.

They weren’t necessarily trying for a baby but they’re weren’t not trying either. Harry wanted a baby as soon as his missus was willing to give him one.

“No, no, don’t one,” she’d whined into his mouth when he’d reached over to grab a condom off the nightstand.

“Oh sweet thing, you want me bare? Fill you up?” He croons happily, coming back to grip at his thick base and tease at her entrance.

“Ye-yeah, H. Please,” (Y/N) whimpers, bucking her hips in the hope he’d slip inside her.

Harry hums, “Might give you a baby though, y’want me to knock you up?”

“Want it, wan-“

He cuts her off with a hard, blissful kiss as he thrusts all the way inside before pulling out to do it again. 

“Gonna give it to you, whatever you want, lovie,” he promises.

The two had never used protection afterwards. It had start about seven months ago and from his knowledge she’d still been getting her periods regularly.

Occasionally, he would palm at her flat tummy and pout, “Haven’t put a baby in you yet, ‘ave I?”

He was so ecstatic but disappointed in himself for ruining everything and pleasing everyone other than who he should be.

Harry needed to fix this. He didn’t want Y/N to lose the excitement of having their baby over a dumb choice of his.

The man’s out of the room and not knocking before entering their guest room. His now pregnant love is laying on-top of the covers.

One hand subconsciously on her belly - which she removes and places next to her when her wife walks in.

The television was on but the volume was low and Y/N wasn’t watching it in the first place anyways.

Harry sits on the edge of the bed, “I opened the yellow bag.”

She looks at him with wide eyes, a little taken aback. she was going to surprise him tonight and forgot to store it away for another time after the fight.

Harry has happy tears dribbling down his cheeks, “you’re having my baby?”

Y/N nods, running a slight hand through his curls. She still had a nasty knot of anger and uncertainty in the pit of her stomach.

It pains her, wanting to share this moment of excitement with Harry but she just couldn’t. The uncertainty of whether Harry would put everybody’s needs before his own baby.

“Come back to bed, want t’talk and celebrate. M’so bloody excited,” Harry murmurs, a large smile decorating his face as he smooths a palm over the expanse of her tummy.

His wife shakes her head and places a hand over his, feeling the cold metal of all of them. “I want to be left alone.”

The twinkle in Harry’s eye diminishes to devastation as he realizes that he’s fucked up so badly that she doesn’t even want to celebrate.

“Pet, can...we just forget about it tonight and be happy ‘bout the baby?” Harry asks selfishly, knowing it was unlikely she’d agree.

She didn’t, a firm expression on her face, “no, I have a lot to think about.”

“Like wha’?” He asks anxiously, unknowing of quite the reason she was so furious.

“Like how you say yes to everything and everyone. We talk and talk about how you need to say ‘no’ and do what’s best for you - for us. You agree to and never follow through”

She takes a shaky breath and continues, “it’s affected our relationship before when you’ve had to cancel our vacation away from all this for a charity concert you’d agree to perform at last minute, dinner reservations because you told your friend we’d be at their art showing they wanted you at.”

Harry knew she was right. He did those things. He wanted everyone to be happy with him - to a fault.

“Tonight was just icing on the cake, you allowed your manager to talk you into hosting your ex on that show. Out of all the people in the world - her. With flirty questions and jabs from her. You let that happen. You care about making everyone happy but in return you don’t care how it affects me. That’s pretty shitty.”

“I’m...I’m really fucking scared you’ll do that even when we have the baby. I need you to put them first and right now...I’m not sure if you’re going to. You can’t put the person you want to spend the rest of your life with first now, how do I know you’ll do it with the baby?”

Harry chokes out a sob as he presses his forehead against the bed, his broad shoulders shaking. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried this hard - years ago maybe. He felt like his wife didn’t have any faith in him and he was to blame.

He looks up at her with swollen eyes - at a loss for what to do or say. He loved her so much and was over the moon that they were going to have a baby.

“How do I fix this, darling? You’re right, I really fucked up. M’sorry,” Harry cries, grabbing at her hands and she allows it.

“Just saying you’re sorry won’t fix it,” Y/N replies flatly, letting Harry squeeze and kiss at the backs of her hands.

“Then what do I bloody do to fix this?” Harry raises his voice in frustration, staring in bewilderment at his wife. 

Y/N narrows her eyes at him, “Do not raise your voice at me, Harry. Actions speak louder than words.”

Harry swallows harshly, pressing one finally kiss to her hand. “Okay.”

“Okay?” She repeats.

“I love you, I’ll fix this,” he promises with conviction. He knew what he needed to do and do it tomorrow. So he and his wife could enjoy her new pregnancy.

“I need space tonight, I just...please”Y/N says quietly, rubbing at his shoulder.

It wasn’t the first time they’ve slept in separate rooms because they weren’t getting along but they normally found their way back to each other before sunrise.

Harry nods, lip still tremble with the residual anxiety of the conversation. She allows him to press a soft kiss to her mouth before leaving the room.

—-

Cafe Habana was busy - but no one was paying much attention to Harry and Jeff. It was the morning after and Harry had demanded a meeting over breakfast with his manager.

“Y/N pregnant,” Harry states bluntly after their drinks arrive.

“Oh? Congratulations, dude. That’s exciting!” Jeff leans over to pat him on the shoulder, a big smile.

“The baby is due in September. My next tour starts in next July. The baby will be about nine months. I want to be at home with them for the first year.”

Jeff doesn’t look pleased, “what are you getting at Harry?”

“Reschedule the July and August tour dates. Tack them on to the end of the tour,” Harry lays out flat. 

He hadn’t talk to his wife about this but he knew this was how he could prove that he could say ‘no’ and not be a pushover.

“No Harry. Look I get you’re excited about the baby - but that will be such a fucking hassle,” Jeff frowns, sipping his mimosa.

“I’m not asking, Jeff. I’m telling you that’s what needs to happen,” Harry replies firmly, tone strong and unwavering.

Jeff is definitely taken aback by his client’s conviction. 

“While we’re on the topic, do not ever put me in a situation like you did yesterday. It affected my wife and I. And I will choose her over this career any day.”

The manager nods in surprise, “Harry, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not asking for an apology but if you ever pull something like then I’ll be looking for a new management team. Are we clear?” 

Jeff once again nods, unsure of where this is coming from but at the thought of losing his biggest client would be disastrous so he’d do whatever to accommodate him.

“Consider it done,” he tells Harry before clearing his throat in a slight panic.

—

Y/N woke up to an empty house. She was restless, she asked Harry to prove to her that he could be what she needed. However, it was a bit unfair because she didn’t know how he could do it.

It’s just…she had a baby to think about. They both needed to be put first and if it took a gnarly fight for Harry to realize it...so be it.

“Baby? Love, where are you?” She hears Harry echo through the whole house. She was sat in the kitchen, on a stool by the island, idly sorting through mail.

“In here!”

Harry jogs in, panting like he sprinted from the garage up to the kitchen. He comes to stand in front of the love of his life.

“I might have not completely fixed everything but...I tried,” Harry tells her, cradling her face in his large palms. “ I just got back from lunch with Jeff. I told him about the baby.”

He takes a deep breath before continuing, “I rescheduled tour dates so I can be with you guys at home in London for the first year. Then...maybe you guys can join me after?”

“Harry…” she’s at a loss for words.

“And I told Jeff that if he ever puts me in a situation like that again, I’m firing him.”

Y/N stares at him, in awe and admiration of the man she chose to marry and keep forever. His face was so sincere and vulnerable.

Harry didn’t know whether it would be enough. If it wasn’t he’d keep trying but all he could do was hope. He waited with bated breath as she processed his words.

“Baby, you-for me?” She murmurs as she stands up and crowds into his space. He instantly wraps her up into a tight hug, missing her touch.

“Of course, pet. I’d do anything for you, I mean it. I’d quit this whole career if you wanted tha’,” he tells her truthfully - lips brushing her forehead.

“I love you, so so much,” Y/N murmurs, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“We’re havin’ a baby,'' Harry sighs dreamily into her mouth, tongue sliding against hers. A large hand came to palm at her belly.

“Yeah, m‘having your baby,” She giggles as he begins to trail the kisses down her jaw and neck - pressing her into the marble countertop.

“Should we name it Kiwi?” Harry rasps as he slides the tank top strap off her shoulder so his lips can meet the cap of her warm shoulder.

“We are not going to be that celebrity couple who names their baby something weird,” Y/N groans as he grounds his hips into hers with intent.

THE END